Don't ask

I wanted to get back to this journal for something but it took so long to get here that I forget now! Dammit. Oh, this. My ticker won't show up! Darnit. SOmeboy tell me why it won't work. Whoa. Things look funky upside down. Kay. Enough of my ramblings.

 

New song

Yay! I can get to my journal again. Woohoo! Hope y'all like classical music. The new song I put in is Mozart. The other night I was bored and tired and my station turns to talk radio after 10 on Sundays. So I came down and *actually* asked if Dad had any classical CDs. I got the one we have. "The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World... ever!" This song is on there. It's track 6 on disc 1, in case you were wondering. Oh, and it's called 'Elvira Madigan' Piano Concerto by Mozart. Sounds very eloquent, right? Oh, and to hear my favorite Anna Dagmar song, visit Inspired.

Standing up for what I believe

True Story. A religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage. The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshiped Satan. A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.

If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness.

Old enough, young enough

How weird is this? It's probably 90-something out and extremely humid. I'm freezing. When I got my laundry out of the dryer, I wrapped myself in a hot towel. Now I'm sitting here with a hot cup of vienesse chocolate cafe or something. (Whatever it is, it's good. Want some?) I can't wait to have hot tacos tonight and I can't wait to feel that fire. To see the flames licking the wood black. To smell the kindling burning. I can't wait to taste the delicious s'mores and the hot dogs we're going to roast. I can't wait to feel the hard earth under my back tonight. I can't wait to laugh the night away with Sayiiiiid. I long for the structure of school but I love the carefreeness of summer. It's a Monday night and I'm going to sleep in my backyard. (The closest thing to real camping I'll get this year.) I'm a girl of many contridictions. One of which being that I'm not exactly a girl but not exactly a woman. I'm in between. Old enough to not join in the childish antics of my cousins but young enough so that when I do I'm not chastened with peals of "You're too old for that" but rather "You should know better". I'm old enough to appreciate the sounds of jazz and classical music at times but young enough to crave Top 40 to dance my butt off at others. I'm old enough to long for romance and young enough to not need it. I'm old enough to explore my interests seriously and young enough that if I change my mind, it's thrown off as a childish phase and nothing more serious. I'm old enough to understand certain jokes but young enough that I still giggle and blush at the thought of kissing someone. I'm old enough for sundresses and make-up but young enough for overalls and flip-flops. I'm probably too old for pigtails but I'm young enough that I wear them anyhow. I appreciate Starbucks and coffee but, I'd rather have McDonald's most of the time. I'm young enough to be rebellious and old enough to realize that sometimes no just means "I love you too much to let you risk that" but still young enough to fight back rashly and just want my way. I'm old enough to plan trips around the country or to Europe and young enough to think it's all going to happen while I'm still young. I'm old enough to know better but, I'm still too young to care, as the old saying goes. I'm old enough to plan but young enough to not have to fork over the money for my plans. I'm old enough to think about driving but young enough that I can't get my permit yet. I am so many things. I could go on forever but, right now, I've got a PODA (parade of daily appointments) that's calling my name. I've got posters to hang, legs to shave, summer assignments to do, and laundry to put away. I'm a busy busy child.

Modesty and mystery

When I do show some skin (aka my Halloween costume this year), the guys tend to notice. When I do bust out the mini-skirt or wear a dress, guys tend to notice. When I wear my hair down and put make-up on, guys notice. Just simply because I don't show skin every day. There are girls at my school that on any given day, you can probably see more skin than not. There are girls that wear their hair perfect every day and they wear make-up done exquisitely every day. I don't. I'm more reserved. Even today, I'm wearing a dress. It's *just* above my knee and it's modest but, I have my hair up and no make-up on. You don't get everything on one day. You can see me in tight jeans quite often but seeing my legs is a privilege, not a right with me. I know how to use what I have (and don't have) to my advantage. I know how to smile just the right way and get a guy to melt. I know how to flirt and get my way. I know what to wear and how to wear it to have the boys panting but I don't. I could do that every day and I could care but I don't! Instead, I save my energies for my studies and my friends and my writing. When I choose to use my energies like that, it's not for the guys. It's for me. If I wake up and feel like crap, I have two choices: wear sweats and feel crappy all day or put on tight jeans and a nice shirt and do my make-up. If I opt for the first, I'll feel cruddy all day long and I'll regret wearing my sweats because it'll keep me feeling crappy. If I get kinda dressed up and I do my make-up, I might feel fake at first but then I'll get a compliment on my shirt or I'll have somebody flirting with me in the corner and it'll boost my ego just enough to make me stop feeling cruddy and start feeling cute or pretty or whatever. If you see me wearing my favorite jeans, you're not gonna know if it's a normal day or if it started as a crappy one or if it started out as a great one. But if you see me with my make-up done, you'll know it started out crappy. If you see me with my make-up done but not like eyeliner and whatnot, you'll know it started off great. Showing a bit of skin every now and then gets me more attention than the girls that bare it all every day. When I do show something off, I can probably count off at least half a dozen guys before first period that I caught staring. When I don't, I don't notice any stares but it keeps me a bit more mysterious. That and the fact that I don't flirt my head off with everybody. If I like somebody, I'll flirt but I don't flirt just to flirt. Most of the time. I gotta go. I've sat here for too long writing. And I'm starting to ramble.

Likes, Dislikes, and Turn-offs

Totally stealing this from Dawn

~Likes~

1. Zoning out on the couch, watching movies or standup comedy

2. Finding the time to read

3. Shopping with friends (never alone!)

4. Cooking something wierd that actually tastes good

5. Men who are attractive, affectionate, well read with a good sense of humor and he has to be a bit stubborn. (I loose all respect for a man if he lets me take control of a relationship.) <~totally stealing this answer

6. Sixteen Candles (the movie)

7. Mock fighting with Lindz or the Ladies Who Lunch

8. The X-Files when it was Scully and Moulder

9. Long flowy feminine skirts

10. Fresh baked snickerdoodles

11. Momma's famous burgers

12. Kurtis (Liz's old next door neighbor aka Mr. Sexy)

13. The satisfaction that comes with finishing a good book

14. Intellectual discussions

15. Chocolate covered strawberries

16. Voices that just reach into your soul and touch something deep inside you, never to leave you again (modified answer from Dawn)

17. Crazy (the song by Patsy Cline)

18. The feeling of my shoulders, hips, and jaw not cracking for five minutes after my chiro appointments

19. Samantha

20. Godiva Beligian Dark Chocolate Ice Cream

~Dislikes~

21. Close-minded people

22. Doing dishes

23. Hypocrites <~stealing this answer (btw: all teenagers hate hypocrites along with most of the rest of the world)

24. Summer assignments

25. PMS

26. Sushi

27. People that thinks they're better than you and that their crap doesn't stink

28. Abuse by anyone to anyone but especially to innocent children

29.President Bush. (another answer stolen from dawn)

30. My school's new dress code (totally bogus! No spaghetti straps or halters? Puh-lease!)

31. Women who constantly critique or criticize their bodies

32. Those who judge before getting to know you

33. Losing an argument (I am very argumentative at times. I'll argue and argue in circles to be right unless I *know* I'm wrong.)

34. Scott (Angel's husband, not my grandmother's husband)

35. The sound of nails on a chalkboard

~TURN OFFS~

36. Not being able to talk freely (reason one I dumped Bryan)
37. Arrogance. You are *NOT* God's gift to women/men. You are just another person put here by the grace of God.

38. Lack of chivalry. If I actually manage to go out on a date somewhere, I'd *love* it if the guy would open the door for me and *gasp* even pull out my chair if we were sitting somewhere. No, you don't have to put your coat in a puddle before me but, it would be nice if you'd put it around my shoulders when you see I'm cold.

39. Fakeness. Don't stab your best friend in the back. Don't try to befriend me just because I brought some of my Halloween candy with me. Ick.

40. Men who go by the stereotypes. Yea, I'll tell a blonde joke now and then and yes, I'll call myself blonde when I'm having a stupid moment and no, I shouldn't but don't you dare think that just because I actually cover my body with my clothing and just because I might actually wear my glasses to school and I'm kinda shy and kinda insecure that I'm boring. Glasses do not mean I'm smart (I am but, that has nothing to do with my glasses). Covering myself does not mean I'm boring or old-fashioned. It means I'm modest and that when I do show a bit of skin, you're damn lucky cause not everyone gets that show. Just because I'm shy and insecure does not mean you can wow me with your charm or that you can easily play me and boost my self-esteem with compliments and get me into bed. My self-esteem is higher than that. Yes, compliments do help your case but, they're not gonna get you access to me.

Sleep

Do you know how much easier it is to function when you have enough sleep? Lately, I've been getting enough sleep so on the few days I don't, it's torture. I need nine hours of sleep a night. Last night, I got about 7 1/2. I'm still not awake. I'm going to sleep early and forget that run I had planned. My mind is mush and my fingers aren't working full speed. I typically type fast, very fast. And accurately. But right now, my fingers are slow and making tons of mistakes. It's 90+ outside and I'm sitting here in jeans and a sweatshirt. I urge you all to get enough sleep. After less than a month of getting the right amount of sleep, I can totally tell when I didn't. If you're tired and cranky and a grouch most days, try getting more sleep! It's certainly helped my disposition. Oh, and school starts in, like, 5 weeks. I'm gonna start getting my sleep schedule fixed NOW. As in, up at 10 this week, at 9 next week, 8 the week after that, then 7, then 6. I should be ready for school if I do that.

(I realize this is crap writing but my mind isn't functioning. Most likely, I'll delete this entry in the morning when my mind functions.)

Vickey