Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word. No more.
Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you...
And... Happy Belated Birthday, Poppy! My great-grandfather turned 87 yesterday.
Always,
Vickey
Kay, just had this thing written up (without people over my shoulder) (yes, I'm talking to you, Mom) (lol) but it wouldn't save. So, time to redo it. Luckily, I know what I said (and how to save it now so it'll never delete again).
I know you're gonna probably kill me for writing this, Mom, but it is my journal and if you don't like having total access to my mind, then I can take you off the list of people allowed to read, kay? (Note: this is entirely preventative. Mom hasn't flipped out and probably won't but, I'm covering my arse here. She probably isn't gonna be a bitch though. Not like it would be odd if she were... JK)
Anybody know where I can get a peach-colored rubber bracelet? Peach is for uterine cancer and I just found out that Mom's hysterectomy was because she had cancer. Cancer. I hate that word. It strikes such fear with so simple a word. I mean, think about it. What other six letters can you arrange to strike such fear into so many? Most of us will either have cancer or a cancer scare touch our families in some way. Some of us will have it personally and some will have it closer than others. I urge everyone to get all the testings they need as often as they need them. Go to your gyno. Get your pap smear and your mammograms done, ladies. Get your colonoscopies and your prostate exams. Get everything you need done to get a clean bill of health. If it's an every six month test, get it done every six months! Thank goodness that Mom gets her exams done because this cancer was only there for a few months. Between August and May, it came up. Hopefully, they got it all. My prayers go up to everyone who cancer has effected.
(((hugs))) to every one who needs them and every one who doesn't. I don't care how strong you are. Everybody needs a hug sometimes!
Vickey
Sorry y'all. These entries were done through the AOLJournals bot. I can't get to my journals. Parental controls. I really have to get my father to change it. It sucks. I don't know if I posted the poem below in Inspired (see link in sidebar) but I'm posting it here anyhow.
June 15
Torn
Confusion
Torn in two die-rections
Doubting
God, do I hate doubting
Assurance
Knowing exactly
Clairity
God, do I miss clarity
Tears of frustration
Tears of aggrivation
Tears of sorrow and
Tears of pain
Wanting hope
Wanting help
Knowing it can't come
From anyone but me
I better figure it out
I better do it soon
I better know
Just what to do
Somebody...
Help?
6/15
Bryan just asked me out. I said yes. Now I think I regret it. I feel like it's going to mean a redefinition of who I am. I've just gone through a phase of serious depression in which I lost my faith (toward the end) and my definition of who I am for the most part. I need to figure out who I am before I date someone. I need to figure this out soon and fix it before it's too late.
I loved flirting with him and yesterday, I was thrilled at the prospect. Now, I'm not. Now, I just need to feel free. I feel as though saying yes bound me to something that I don't want. I feel sick. What do I do? I need to explain this to him but, how do I?
All of a sudden, I don't know anything. I'm so completely akward around guys. I'm more likely to flirt and feel completely comfortable than to seriously persue someone. Question: How will I ever get married if I never have a boyfriend? Perhaps I'm meant to just live in my novels and not date.
I really need to reconnect with my faith. I haven't had the desiere to do anything God-related in a while but now I do. It's Wednesday! Ooo! I'll see if Lindz wants to go to youth group. I really need to go. Since the Day of Silence, I have not gone. I need to hear one of Dillon's lectures tonight.
So for now, I'm still dating Bryan. More in a bit.
Trying to hide this from everyone. Sitting at Linear Park off to the side. My back hurts and this rock/seat is hard. How did my last day of classes go? I nearly cried in voice. Everyone sang Alma del Core and Out Here On My Own together. *tears* Before German, Bryan asked me out. Not sure how I feel about the fact that I said yes. Math was next. More nearly tears. Science. Bomb threat. (Must stop for now. Serious risk of being read.)
Kay, writing this in a "Babble-Vickey" form... (Yes, that is stolen from Dawn's Babble-Dawn format.)
-Dyed Lindsay's hair red plum semi-permanent. Looks really good. She's going to do mine later-
-Going to Ali's soccer game to get myself drenched all for the sake of Lindz's relationship since Lindz and Ali haven't seen each other in like a week and are going through withdrawal. (Yes, Lindz and Ali are both female. They're both bisexual. Get over it.)-
-My head hurts from chemicals and I have no shoes to wear!-
-Sleeping at Lindsay's house again tonight-
-Oh, and trying to figure out how I'm going to break up with my boyfriend who I haven't told you all about yet. You'll get that story tonight, I promise.-
-That's all for now since Kyle'll be here soon to drive Lindz and I to Ali's soccer game. Uberfun. Not that I don't love Ali but, watching sports isn't very appealing to me and neither is watching sports in the rain in pajama pants and flip-flops.-
You all everybody!
Vickey
Note: Please read these in the order in which I type them. Normally it doesn't matter *cough*Sara*cough* but, it does today. Kay? Thank you. Now, back to your regularly scheduled entries.
June 9
There was something I wanted to write the other day but I can't recall. So now, I resolve to blog every night. I'll write for 15 minutes, minimum. So now, let's see... Ooo! I got a bikini Monday. No, Tuesday. Lindz and I went to Target with Chris. He drove us there and back (unless you talk to Dad. Then, we ran into him there and he drove us home. But really, he picked us up and we drove there). I tried on a bikini and a wrap. Lindz saw it and asked if I was gonna let Chris. Yup, I did. A bllue and white tie-die bikini with a black knee-length wrap. I loved it! Color is great, fit perfect, enhances the right areas, all over great. Didn't have the money so we left and Chris drove us back. We sat in the car for a while and talked and Chirs & Lindz had a tickle fight. I'm always wary of going anywhere w/Lindz and a guy but it wasn't too bad actually. Later, I got the bikini and the wrap. So now today is Thursday. I'm sitting in choir watching West Side Story. I hate mirrored sunglasses because you can't tell where a guy's eyes are. So I ask them to remove them. Well, today my shirt is "hungry" meaning there's space between my chest and the collar. In math, I'm sitting there and I turn around to talk to Kyle for a minute (every day occurance). His eyes dart down. Talking to my chest. Great. I expect a great deal of that today. A white cami is not the best way to keep eyes off your chest, ladie. Awww... (WSS). I'll watch the next five minutes of this I guess...
Before I head to bed... I had a shrink appointment after school. I want to punch her. She annoys me. Then, I went to the pool for the first time all year. Basically laid on a lounge chair half asleep for the most part. Got a slight tan but nothing to write home about. came back, ate some pizza, used the net, Lindz came over. We jumped in the rain and laid on the tennis courts. The asphalt was warm and moist. Perfect. Volleyed the tennis ball back and forth but rarely hit it once after the serve. Came in and I took a shower. Bedtime, baby!
May 27, 2005
My back is killing me. I know why though and medicine doesn't help this cause for some reason.. Let's see... the past few days... uhhh... I wrote on Tuesday I think. Tuesday afternoon, I had a doctor appointment for my allergies. She prescribed Allegra. (Which isn't quite working today! Grrrr!) Wednesday, Jack was here all day. (She'd been out all day Monday and went home sick Tuesday.) I watched the LOST season finale. I cried when Charlie told Claire not to worry, that he'd get her baby back. (When she first named him Aaron.) Thursday (aka yesterday) I had my last choir concert of the year... possibly my last here ever. Jack and Russo have decided that I must graduate from here. I must come back for my senior year.
June 7
The other night, I said we were going out to dinner. We went to the restaurant we always go to with Gramma. Normally, I eat the same thing (chicken fingers, fries, and soda). I felt like a change so I ordered the chicken parm. with spaghetti. It was delicious. The bus boy was so cute too. Afterwards, we went to Tim Horton's and I got my second iced cappucino of the day (my first have been that day at lunch). Joey and I went to the part near Gramma's house for a bit. I used the computer for a bit and then ate some Ben and Jerry's before bed. Oh, wait. I don't think I did. I think I had some tea and watched TV with Chyna and Amber (in my new nightgown) til I fell asleep.
Kay, people, get this. I have 20, count 'em, twenty, alerts left in one of my folders. Mind you, I have countless other folders but, they're easier to get through. I will be caught up by Friday, come hell or high water. Heck, I'm gonna be at Lindsay's with no school all day Friday. I'll catch up then and the nights before. I've got a few more entries to type up but, I'm hittin the sack. G'nite and sleep tight!
A very happy (and slightly sunburnt) Vickey
5/16
Yesterday, how do I blog yesterday? Well, I woke up at 6:45(am!?!) and Mom, Joey, and I left for Dad's by 7. Pretty uneventful drive. Had really bad allergies so we had to stop at a mini mart and buy tissues. We go to Dad's and (surprise, surprise) nobody's home and the door is locked. Mom calls the cops and an officer comes and blah blah blah. (I know this might be the interesting part for y'all but for me, it's just another day. Long story short, nobody's being arrested and Dad is in the wrong.) Mom took us to stay at Lindsay's Dad's for the day. I got on his computer (with permission of course) and I spent most of the day catching up on alerts. It took me from about 10 am to probably 3 pm to read all the alerts I had. Then, I filtered some of the elsewhere (like activities and a few long, long, long winded journalers (not that I don't love you long writers. I just wanted to get through as many as possible.) All the Saturday Sixes, Journal Jar questions, and surveys are waiting for me along with your responses (I don't read them until after I respond). So catching up is still not quite complete but is one hell of a lot closer. After I caught up, Joey left for Jordan's (and thank God because he was annoying the hell out of me) and I got in the shower. Lindz and I talked for a while and I was eating a Bit O'Honey when I felt something crunchy. Thinking it was paper, I pulled out the bit in my mouth and inspected it. No such luck. No visible anything but... wait a minute... aw crap. (My lower retainer is just a bar of metal cemented behind my lower front teeth. There are no rules for what I can and can't eat with it.) My retainer's busted. The cement came off one of the middle teeth. Good thing my next ortho/dentist apt. is on Tuesday. But it was like taking a tight ponytail down after a long day. The tension is released and your head hurts. The tooth freed hurts and the wire is far more obvious in my mouth now. I have no wax and neither does Lindz so I asked John (Lindz's dad) if he'd take us to Wegman's so I could get a couple wax bottles to use the wax on my retainer. But not before Lindz and I finished our fight over the mouse in which we opened a billion new windows and caused a billion things to happen including biting, blowing, falling, tumbling, and dirtifying. Which was so hilarious. Basically, we both wanted the mouse and wouldn't give it up. (BTW: During my computer catch-up, Lindz was on the phone with Aric, the 34-year-old Pizza Hut server, for 3 hours.) So we went to Wegman's and got some crap. I don't remember the next bit (it's now 6/2) but eventually we went to Ali's and hung out with Ali. Oh, and I met Nick. I took a billion pictures I missed the one shot I really wanted. By this point, I really don't remember the rest of the night. I do remember feeling great and that I slept at Lindsay's. I was late for school the day I began this entry and I was sent to tardy with Lindz. We pissed off the "teacher" by conversing (mostly in sign or by mouthing it).
Skipping ahead to last night... or actually two nights ago (6/1). Senior solos. I met Lindz there but she would up sitting w/Nick and them. I sat with Kim and Christian. Kim and I were so impressed with Lester! He's never sounded that good in voice class! A bunch of other people went too and WOW! They were all so good. Afterward, I felt out of place and out of my skin. So I ran. When I started to run back, I got a cramp in my stomach and I hobbled my way back. Lindz wanted to make plans for the next day (6/2) but wouldn't tell me why or for what. Dad said I could go though. This brings me to yesterday. I woke up, went to school, uhhh boringness. I honestly don't remember much before John picked me up. I got in the car and we went to pick Lindz up from Sylvan. Apparently, my surprise was actually something I was planning for a later date. We saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Cute movie. But now I want to go to Greh-EE-ce and find myself a Costos. I squee-ed my way through the last half hour or so. lol. Good movie. Made me want to flirt though. When I hopped out of the car, I didn't step out. I kinda shimmied and swerved my way out. Feet on ground, lean back, knees out, lean knees forward with torso back, snap up. Lindz was amused. So I twirled to my yard and laid down for a minute in the grass. Felt won-der-ful. Got up and went inside.
How was the movie?
Fine. I think I'm drunk.
You may not want to come in and say that.
No, not like drunk but nuts.
You're probably just happy. You're not that way often so you can't identify it.
Dad, just shut up.
{insert explosion, my grabbing a water bottle and dashing upstairs with good mood mostly intact}
Lindz had texted me so I called her for a minute on my cell.
For some reason, that's where this entry ends. Sorry. Basically, I just went to sleep after that I think.
Vickey
1. What is your favorite remade song? Good-bye Time by Blake Shelton (originally Conway Twitty)
2. What's your favorite cookie to buy at the grocery store? Double stuffed Oreo cookies
3. What's your favorite side to eat with a piece of steak? A salad
4. If you could go on a date with one celebrity who would it? Ummmm.... I'm not totally nuts over anyone now so, possibly Johnny Deep or Orlando Bloom but, not sure.
5. What would you do on that date? Have dinner and talk about everything
6. What is your favorite movie love scene? Any part in The Notebook
7. Do you think Michael Jackson is going to be convicted? Not sure.
8. What personality trait do you find most attractive in a person? A sense of humor. <~I agree with Dawn
9. What kind of candybar is your favorite? Dawn... lol (She claims her last name is Candybar for those who don't read her J.) Seriously, frozen chocolate Charleston Chews
10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I'll be 25, graduating/graduated college, soon to be wed, and with a career I love.
11. Air conditioning or fans? We have both at Dad's. Some nights, I'd rather suffer the heat and go with fans but, on the really hot ones, I love my AC.
12. Would you ever move to be closer to someone you had just started dating? Not if we had JUST started dating.
13. If you could meet one famous,old time Hollywood, celebrity who would you pick? Easy. (DAMN IT! Second time in two days I've spilt a drink near but not on a computer!) As I was saying, easy. Marilyn Monroe.
14. Is there anything you liked to do when you were a child that you wish you could do now? Not caring what my body looked like at all.
15. What would be your ideal marriage proposel? Someone I'm head over heels in love with, out for a fancy dinner somewhere or on the beach or something romantic and old-fashioned like that, and he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him.
16. In your opinion,what's worst a doctor's appointment or a dental appointment? Depends on why you're there.
17. You get your own personal lunch wagon. What 4 things would you want it to have in it? Lunch wagon? What's that, praytell?
18. What celebrity couple do you now wish would split up? Whoever Ewan McGregor is with. I want him. lol
19. What's one thing in you wish you had more time to do? Catch-up on JLand happenings, catch y'all up on my happenings, read my books, and sleep.
20. If you stock a store with just junk food you love, what would be in there? Oh god. I'd be 3000 pounds! It would HAVE to have chocolate chip cookies and chocolate covered bananas and a bunch of candy and a ton of other stuff.
I'm in heaven tonight, baby! So maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but, anyhow, I feel really happy tonight. I went to Hots after school and all the way there, this guy was picking on me because of my fan (one of those fans like this:
Love always,
Vickey
I love my toes because of the way sand feels between them.
I love my feet because they let me walk.
I love my legs because they support me.
I love my knees because they let me sit.
I love my thighs because if they weren't there, I'd be unable to run, jump, skip, hop, or even walk.
I love my hips because they make me feel sexy.
I love my butt because it fills out my jeans quite nicely.
I love my stomach because it keeps my upper body sitting up.
I love my lower back because it keeps me upright.
I love my chest because it proves my feminity and the smallness of it allows me to run and jump and such without much pain.
I love my upper back because it hurts far less often than my lower back.
I love my shoulders because so many people underestimate the sexiness of a shoulder.
I love my arms because they let me write and lift objects.
I love my elbows because they let me bend my arms.
I love my hands because they're graceful and classy.
I love my fingers because they let me write and do so many other things.
I love my neck because it holds my head up.
I love my chin because it shapes my face.
I love my cheeks because they let me smile.
I love my eyes because they're gorgeous and they are bloody good flirters.
I love my nose because it lets me breathe when I'm laughing with food or drink in my mouth.
I love my temples because they're soft.
I love my forehead because it covers my brain.
I love my hair because it's soft and lucious and thick and multi-tonal.
I love every bit of bone for supporting my body.
I love every sinew in my being for doing their job.
I love every muscle for letting me move and support myself.
I love every ounce of fat on my body because without it, I'd look dead or nearly so.
I love my reproductive organs because they'll allow me to have a child someday.
I love my digestive system because it allows me to eat and stay nourished.
I love my lips because they're full and pouty.
I love my heart for beating without fail and for healing itself.
I love my lungs for letting me breathe and for working properly (most of the time) and for the way they feel when I run and when it's cold out.
I love my brain for thinking these things and for understanding concepts so easily and for all the other things.
I love my imagination for creating such intracite thoughts (sometimes) and for all the abstract thoughts Sayid and I have talked aobut.
I love every part of my body for everything it does for me.
I LOVE MYSELF!
Now I feel like a total isht about my entry yesterday! I'm sitting here in English again typing up my interview, or so everyone thinks. Really, I'm typing up this and being completely paranoid. I didn't mean to make y'all comment about how you're still here but don't have the time to comment. Honestly, I'm in exactly the same place though. I read all your journals but, I don't comment much. I have but a moment to write now. Just wanted to let you all know how crappy I feel about that entry. I didn't mean to invoke sympathy and pity or whatnot. For some reason, not having any comments for a while made me really depressed. Now though, please, don't comment unless you want to and have the time. Or unless I sound really really pathetic and in need of comments. Kay? Thank you. I promise, I'll get around to commenting on your journals again. As soon as I can get up to date! I'm still around 5/29! Time to go.
Love always,
Vickey
Okay, so I'm just sitting here in English class using the laptop... Yes, that's right. I am sitting here in class working on a laptop and updating my blog. *momentarily pauses to squee inside* We're supposed to be using them for our project but a quick look around shows that few are using power point and many are using the internet. I've only got five minutes left. I have a question though for y'all. Do you still exist? Can you still access this? I mean, I feel as though I've fallen off the face of the planet. I don't know why. I'm not trying to get sympathy or pity or whatnot. I just want to know I'm not typing to myself and Lindz. So if someone could please let me know I am still real and I am still alive and I'm not insane and what I percieve as reality is real. That'd be great. Thanks. Well, I gotta go. It was great wasting time with you. I may write again tomorrow.
Love always,
Vickey
My day has been spent catching up on your journals pretty much. Actually, no. Just the past few hours. It feels like forever though! I love you all and I want to catch up but I can't stand just sitting here in this hard chair reading for hours! I want to be caught up. I've almost emptied one folder. All activities are on hold for an unknown amount of time. I'm starving and I need dinner! But we're going out and I'm not about to spoil my dinner before that. I wonder if that water bottle is mine... Oh well. It is now. That's a bit better. Kay, so what do I want to write? Oh, my day.
Chyna didn't sleep with me last night but that's okay. I had some of that ice cream last night and it's amazing. I love it! I was asleep before 11:30 (which is amazing for me on a Friday night). I woke up today around 9:30 and I got dressed and such. While Joey lost his baseball game, Gramma and I were out shopping. In theory for a bathing suit. It didn't happen. So we each got some cute stuff at Wal-Mart. (Please know that this next bit is not meant to make any of you feel jealous or envious or bad about yourselves in any way shape or form, kay? I'm just naturally like this.) I got a pair of shorts that were a size 5. I typically wear a 1 or a 3 (this is women's sizes, fyi) so they're a bit loose but, they're comfortable and they'll fit me perfectly around that time of the month. (Actually, a 1 is really really tight on me for the most part.) Oh, and I got this cute little nightgown that I may wear as a shirt. I'll post a picture later. We went to Tim Horton's for lunch. I had a BLT and an iced cappucino. Those things are devine! We drove out to Target to continue the search and didn't find anything. So I still need a new one piece. See, there are PLENTY of cute bikini's but I need a new one piece. Maybe I'll get over my issue with my thighs/stomach and just get one of those damn cute bikini's. I find that my body issues are rearing their ugly heads with full force lately. They're worse than ever actually. I'm working on it though. Rereading No Body's Perfect by Kimberly Kirberger. (I think that's her last name.) Time to go see if any one else realizes it's time for dinner. (It's practically 6PM. Typically, I'm not hungry now and Dad forces me to eat. Now, I am hungry and we're not out at the restaurant.) I'll write a review of the food later. LOL Right now, I'd probably eat a raw hamburger. (Ewww. Never mind. I'll take it well done please.)
Vickey
P.S. That kitty in the picture is Chyna. I can't find any on this computer of Tiger or Smokey. Oh, and Tiger is dying. Yup, Smokey died, Tiger's dying, and Chyna's dying to get outside and hunt. My cats hate(d) it here and I can't save them. :( Anybody want a nice indoor/outdoor cat? That I can come visit regularly?
P.P.S. I've decided on a name for my kitten. Zuri. His (we think it's a boy) eyes are blue and the Spanish word for blue is azure. It's hard to call "Azure" too many times so I shortened it to Zuri. Welcome to the family, Zuri. :)
Thank God for Road Runner. That's all I got to say. It lets me spend more than an hour online catching up. Just wanted to say "hi" and I love and miss you all. I'm sorry that I'm not commenting but, it takes more time to read and comment than to read. So, I am reading and I'm on the entries from May 22 now. Not TOO far behind but far enough so I still have nearly 300 e-mails! Y'all need to quit writing! Kay, before I go crash and eat some Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream (sounds yummy), pictures of my kitten! This little one choose me. I had no choice. But I love him (we think it's a him) and I swear if our souls are reincarnated, this cat is Smokey's next life. The first time I spent time with kitty (no name yet), I cried thinking of Smokey. I missed her and I just wanted her and I wanted a sign that she was alright. I was petting the kitten and he was purring and he fell asleep on my hand. This cat is definitly the one for me. I don't believe it IS Smokey, but this cat is definitly sent by Smokey to help me get through this time of my life. She helped me through a lot of stuff and now, it's this kitten's turn. Smokey sent this kitten to me. And now that I'm crying, good night. Don't worry about me tonight though. I'll be okay. I'm sleeping at my grandmother's (BG) and though Tiger'll sleep on the waterbed, I can probably rope Chyna into sleeping with me on the couch. Allegra time!
Love always,
Vickey
P.S. Aren't I the luckiest girl in the world to have such a cute kitten pick me? I still love my Chya and my Tiger and my Smokey and my Dutchess and all the other animals I've ever had but this kitten is sooooooooo cute!
P.P.S. More entries soon, I promise! And more catch-up tomorrow!
P.P.P.S. It's pointless for me to fill in the mood thing. It rarely describes my mood throughout the entire entry and rarely describes any part of my mood in that entry. Humph. Plus, I typically let you know in my writing. Crying=sad, giggling=happy, etc. Kay? Kay. I love you all!!!!!!!! (Why am I so mushy today? I blame Chris!!!!) (LOL) (Explaination tomorrow)
Hey, you! Guess what? I'm baaaaack! Still private, obviously and still behind but, I've got an hour online everyday. So, I'll be catching up on your lives before I catch you up on mine. But, you will be caught up soon and you will know what's happening and all. I promise. I have 24 activities saved, 46 activities that I've done, don't intend to do, or are repeats saved, 125 unsorted alerts, and 98 to read (actual entries). Add that all up and you get 293 alerts. I'll get caught up but don't expect me to do all the weekend assignments and such that I've missed. Twenty Questions, Sunday Brunches, and Saturday Sixes have a better chance because they take less time. Or maybe that's completely psychological. I'm off to go walk the rest of my 10,000 steps of the day (my monthly habit). Oh, and when I get caught up with your journals and get you caught up with mine, I'll sign up for FLYlady again. Oh, and I'd better go... what was that term? The one about the hot spots... And putting them out... Oh, God. I need my FLYwashing again!
Love always,
Vickey
