Old entries

9/26

I am such a girly girl sometimes. Let me tell you about my accident first. Becky decided to take Lindz, Ali, and I to this little park about 15 minutes away with a waterfall on the Erie Canal. It had a little playground with swings and parallel bars, a teeter-totter and another thing or two. Ali and I weigh about the same so we did the teeter-totter and went to the swings. Ya know how if you go crooked on a swing, you have to watch your legs to make sure they don't smack the support? I didn't pay close enough attention and my leg smacked the support. I screamed and Ali offered to kiss it better. She did and then I made Lindz. I hobbled about a bit but my mobility was barely limited. Today, Ihave a huge bruise and it's somewhat difficult to walk. I try to limit my trips up and down stairs but this is nothing compared to what some are dealing with.
So back to my earlier statement, I curled my hair, shaved my legs, and put on heels this morning.

9/27
Way too many cliches! My math teacher just gave about 200 cliches in the course of 5 minutes. I was late this morning again. I started reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens last night. I should probably slow down and do the baby steps it talks about. Here are the baby step deposits I'll make to myself tonight: I will... -unpack my bag ASA I get home. -switch/fold my laundry. -write my book or lab report. -go to bed at 9 and get up at 6.

9/28
If my good grades don't boost my mood, why do my bad grades decimate it? All the ways I have used for fifteen years to cope with life and stress and worry are flying out the window. Writing doesn't work, daydreaming doesn't work, thinking my problems through doesn't work, occupying my mind with a book, magazine, or song doesn't work. A hot shower doesn't. Tonight I plan to see if a bath will work. It frustrates me so much when I can't pour my thoughts out on paper or in tears. I want to see my mom. I think that will help a lot. She comes at 7am Saturday. By 9:30, I'll be playing with Sami and at 6, I go to work at Bradley Farms with Mom and Joey. That feels like the cure for the massive amounts of stress I'm feeling. I can handle the once a month visits that are now necessary because of gas prices and financial struggles on both Mom and Dad's parts. But I cannot handle going two months without them. Once a month (or every two weeks, depending on money), I retreat from the stresses of this world. I forget about the difficulties I'm having in school, the fights with friends, the crushes I have, and all the other crap up here in Rochester and I become two main, simple roles: daughter and sister. That's one reason I don't invite friends down often. It's my retreat from this life so why would I add more roles and less peace to my life? I recharge there. I hate to leave but I know when I do I'll be more able to cope with this life from just one weekend :)

Hey, Sawyer. I'm writing in my "quick cursive". See why I don't ever write in cursive unlike some of us ahm ahm. Our school is so f*cking cold. x_x You need depends diapers and if you could read that I'll laugh. Sawyer has rice in her hair. hahaha Sawyer is yelling at fat freshman. Bwahahaha. Ahhh! Jack

(The above in the different font is written by my dear friend Jack.)

10/3
I spent last period in the auditorium instead of the cafeteria. I signed a paper about Charlie. I wrote two letters; one to him and one about him. I never even met him but I'll always remember his smiling face. Despite his cancer, I never passed him in the hall or saw him before choir when he didn't have a smile on his face. The world has lost a great man.

10/4
I feel yuck today. I've come to the conclusion that when I get stressed, I get migraines. For all of you who've never had a migraine, they suck. Your whole head aches, light and sound (of which there is no lack of at my school) make it hurt worse, and when all you want to do is lay down and let it pass, most of the time that luxury passes far past most of us. For those that do get migraines, don't they suck? And idk about you but advil doesn't even put a dent in the ones I get. I'm gonna have to wait until my physical in DECEMBER to see if there's anything my doctor can give me or tell me to do. I can't get rid of stress so, unfortunately, I'll have to treat the symptoms rather than the problem. For about a month, I've gotten a headache most days around second period (aka math w/Mrs. Pain-in-the-ass-I mean, Zschoche-said-Chucky).


more to come soon.... (like tomorrow when I'm home sick)