Old entries

9/26

I am such a girly girl sometimes. Let me tell you about my accident first. Becky decided to take Lindz, Ali, and I to this little park about 15 minutes away with a waterfall on the Erie Canal. It had a little playground with swings and parallel bars, a teeter-totter and another thing or two. Ali and I weigh about the same so we did the teeter-totter and went to the swings. Ya know how if you go crooked on a swing, you have to watch your legs to make sure they don't smack the support? I didn't pay close enough attention and my leg smacked the support. I screamed and Ali offered to kiss it better. She did and then I made Lindz. I hobbled about a bit but my mobility was barely limited. Today, Ihave a huge bruise and it's somewhat difficult to walk. I try to limit my trips up and down stairs but this is nothing compared to what some are dealing with.
So back to my earlier statement, I curled my hair, shaved my legs, and put on heels this morning.

9/27
Way too many cliches! My math teacher just gave about 200 cliches in the course of 5 minutes. I was late this morning again. I started reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens last night. I should probably slow down and do the baby steps it talks about. Here are the baby step deposits I'll make to myself tonight: I will... -unpack my bag ASA I get home. -switch/fold my laundry. -write my book or lab report. -go to bed at 9 and get up at 6.

9/28
If my good grades don't boost my mood, why do my bad grades decimate it? All the ways I have used for fifteen years to cope with life and stress and worry are flying out the window. Writing doesn't work, daydreaming doesn't work, thinking my problems through doesn't work, occupying my mind with a book, magazine, or song doesn't work. A hot shower doesn't. Tonight I plan to see if a bath will work. It frustrates me so much when I can't pour my thoughts out on paper or in tears. I want to see my mom. I think that will help a lot. She comes at 7am Saturday. By 9:30, I'll be playing with Sami and at 6, I go to work at Bradley Farms with Mom and Joey. That feels like the cure for the massive amounts of stress I'm feeling. I can handle the once a month visits that are now necessary because of gas prices and financial struggles on both Mom and Dad's parts. But I cannot handle going two months without them. Once a month (or every two weeks, depending on money), I retreat from the stresses of this world. I forget about the difficulties I'm having in school, the fights with friends, the crushes I have, and all the other crap up here in Rochester and I become two main, simple roles: daughter and sister. That's one reason I don't invite friends down often. It's my retreat from this life so why would I add more roles and less peace to my life? I recharge there. I hate to leave but I know when I do I'll be more able to cope with this life from just one weekend :)

Hey, Sawyer. I'm writing in my "quick cursive". See why I don't ever write in cursive unlike some of us ahm ahm. Our school is so f*cking cold. x_x You need depends diapers and if you could read that I'll laugh. Sawyer has rice in her hair. hahaha Sawyer is yelling at fat freshman. Bwahahaha. Ahhh! Jack

(The above in the different font is written by my dear friend Jack.)

10/3
I spent last period in the auditorium instead of the cafeteria. I signed a paper about Charlie. I wrote two letters; one to him and one about him. I never even met him but I'll always remember his smiling face. Despite his cancer, I never passed him in the hall or saw him before choir when he didn't have a smile on his face. The world has lost a great man.

10/4
I feel yuck today. I've come to the conclusion that when I get stressed, I get migraines. For all of you who've never had a migraine, they suck. Your whole head aches, light and sound (of which there is no lack of at my school) make it hurt worse, and when all you want to do is lay down and let it pass, most of the time that luxury passes far past most of us. For those that do get migraines, don't they suck? And idk about you but advil doesn't even put a dent in the ones I get. I'm gonna have to wait until my physical in DECEMBER to see if there's anything my doctor can give me or tell me to do. I can't get rid of stress so, unfortunately, I'll have to treat the symptoms rather than the problem. For about a month, I've gotten a headache most days around second period (aka math w/Mrs. Pain-in-the-ass-I mean, Zschoche-said-Chucky).


more to come soon.... (like tomorrow when I'm home sick)

end hiatus

why is it that everytime one injury is just getting bareable i get another? first i get this unexplained bruise on my hip. then i scrape my leg against a swingset support and get this nasty deep bruise/scrape on my calf. then my brother trips me and i skin my knees. now i fall up the basement stairs hitting my skinned knee and bending 3 toes backwards! and hitting my shin on the stairs. what is with this people!?

and btw: my hiatus only lasted about an hour or two. i just couldn't think of anything to say when i decided to end it. so y'all get this. :) i took a benedryl last night and i was asleep by 7:30! and now i'm up and completely awake at 6! it's a bloody miracle! well, i gotta finish gettin' ready for school. love y'all and talk to ya later!

Vickey

hiatus

Going on hiatus for a bit. Not sure how long. It may be as short as an afternoon or as long as a month or two. I doubt it'll be that long. I just need to take a break from blogging. I'll still read and comment but, I'm just not going to be writing in here for a little bit.

Love always,
Vickey

20 Questions

1. Are you glad to see 20 Questions is back?

Yay! Yeppers

2. What is the most recent movie you've seen?

Heard part of Honey I Shrunk the Kids this morning. Saw part of Cinderella Story the other day.

3. What’s your all-time favorite old sitcom?

ummm idk

4. When you're trying on a pair of jeans what is one thing you want them to do?

make my butt look good

5. What’s one of the compliments you've received that has surprised you the most?

Russo told me once that I looked like a good subject for a painting and Alex (I think) told me I looked like a rock star. Loved those compliments.

6. What did you have for dinner tonight?

Tonight, I'm having chili :)

7. Do you have any favorite songs? 

I have a TON!

8. What’s one music video you can watch that always makes you smile?

I don't typically watch music videos so I couldn't tell you.

9. What’s one thing that a person, that you're on a date with or when you were single and you were on a date with, can do that turns you off immediately?

Ummm.... be close minded or rude.

10. What’s one thing you love to wear?

Tight jeans and baggy hoodies (like I'm wearing right now)

11. What’s one thing if you never hear it again it'll be too soon?

The use of gay or retarded to mean stupid

12. What’s one thing that happened to you in public that made you want to crawl under the table and hide?

"Can I have a ummm ummm ummmm feminine supply?"

13. Do you like pick up lines?

They're good for a laugh

14. Have you ever used a pick-up line?

Not to my knowledge

15. Is there anyone that you'd like to meet but would probably get all nervous if you did?

Tom Brady

16. Do you consider yourself a creative person?

Sometimes

17. What’s one thing that you admire most within yourself?

My modesty

18. Is there anything people would be surprised to know about you?

I'm the product of a teen marriage, premarital sex, and atheist parents.

19. What’s your favorite book?

The Notebook

20. What was your favorite subject in school?

*corrects to is* Chorale tops the list

Tough start

This has been a very tough start to the school year. I hope that as September is turning to October and as the weather calms down, so will the tragedies and the dramatics that currently are synonymous with my high school recede into the woodworking. Taylor got hit by an 18-wheeler. Keegan got hit over the summer (by the way, he's doing fine and is at school daily though not involved in sports to the best of my knowledge). Charlie is at peace but the students still feel the loss tremendously. We all look forward to his memorial concert next Friday. A close friend is currently pregnant (I've mentioned this before and as her due date draws closer I'll probably wind up talking about her more and more). A dear friend in this community is sick (Promise, I'm thinking about and praying for you).

Yet, in spite of all this, life goes on. We worry about our grades and our classes. We get bomb threats that leave us with one worry "Will we miss lunch?" (We had a bomb threat today, just so ya know.) As teenagers, we can't help it. We feel the loss of beloved members of our community and we do mourn them but there is always a part thinking about us. Perhaps adults are similar. We hear of the death of a loved one and we are confronted with our own mortality. We realize that just because we are young does not mean that we are invinsible. Yet at the same time, we believe it couldn't happen to us. We believe that we'll be fine and we won't get hurt. We believe that all those horrors we hear of every day will never occur to us or to those we love. Even if they happen to someone we love, it could never happen to us. Why do we convince ourselves of these lies? For they are just that: lies. It could happen to you or me. It could happen.

Charlie was a wonderful man. He was just beginning his life. He had his whole life ahead of him and he was an inspiration to us all. If he could suffer so greatly and if his life could be taken away so young, what could happen to the rest of us? I'm not saying that he's better than anyone else because we're all humans and we're all just as sinful and just as corrupt but Charlie never failed to look on the bright side. He was spiritual and he was always there if you needed him. There are so many people that just knowing they'd see his smiling face in the hall between classes got them out of bed. If he could smile and battle cancer, they could deal with the horrors in their lives.

This school year has started off horrendously and I pray it gets better. Oh, and in addition to the stuff I mentioned before, my friend Ali is going into the hospital on Monday for her CF. She's getting really bad. I ask you all to please mention her in your prayers. Just for a millisecond, if that's all you want. Please?

Oh, and in the midst of death and dying and praying and hoping, there's the guy dilemma. Josh (Lindz's ex-bf, my current crush, and the guy that I have been told about 50 times by Ali to "just ask him out already") kissed Lindz this afternoon. And it crushed the bouncy mood he'd given me earlier because it made me question myself and him and whatnot. And if I did go out with him would he only use me to get to Lindz? Because everyone knows that we're insperable. You get one and you get the other to a lesser degree. Anyhow, all guys aside, I must go worry about my English homework. We have a test tomorrow on Animal Farm and I haven't finished the book yet.

Before I go though, I don't want to leave you all with a complete downer of an entry so let me think a moment to find a good thing to tell you.... *thinks for a bit before coming up with this...* Oh, I'm getting my class ring! This is what I'm getting only a LITTLE different. I'm getting a purple stone instead of a blue one and the engraving will say "Victoria" on one side and "2008 ***" on the other (the stars are my school initials). And inside I'm having them write my initals or my first and middle name. Not sure yet. But, that's my good news. It was up in the air if I'd get one at all or not but I am. :) Time for that pesky English homework now.

Vickey

Wonders of my body

I love knowing my body is working. I love the feel of cramps. I love to feel my heart racing, pounding to get out of the cage it is in. I love the pure exhilaration that comes after a long steady jog or a short fast sprint. Feeling my body work amazes me. Seeing it function awes me. Though the world around me gets confusing, stressful, and worrisome, I can count on my hair to need washing every other day, my period to come every month, my heart to pound, my lungs to heave, my endorphins to kick in and make the confusion, the stress, and the worry fade. So maybe these joys bring problems of their own but these problems just reassure me evenmore that no matter what happens in the world outside, in my body, my biggest problems are the backache my period brings, the greasy hair that looks horrid, the racing of my heart  (which is a good thing, in my mind), the heaving, gasping breaths I take, and the fact that after the endorphins wear off, reality will intrude again and confusion, stress, and worry will reign. But at least my body works.

9/24/05

Vickey

In memoriam...

He didn't deserve it. Charlie Cote was an amazing guy. I never said two words to him but I know he was amazing. His spirit was so infectious. In his last days, he never felt sorry for himself. He was so humble and so caring. He made everyone who went to see him feel better even though you knew the doctors had stopped treatment for his melenoma. He fought his cancer for two years and last night, his battle stopped. He's in a better place, he's not in pain anymore. He is missed and he is loved. Charlie, wherever you are, if you can hear these thoughts, please know that while I never met you, your legacy will live on. You will be remembered. "If I'm going to die, I don't want to live like I'm going to die." -Charlie Cote