Way too fucking hyper! Ahhh beware: I'm probably gonna say fuck a lot in this entry. When I'm hyper I do. I smell Josh. It's on my shirt and til I change, I'm gonna smell him. And thus gonna think about him and thus gonna be talking about him. OMG! The Click Five is amazing! Just the Girl is the song I'm listening to right now. LOVE THEM! Smells far better than cigarette smoke though. :) I'm really hyper. I'm going absolutely nuts. I love it! It's a real Friday. I biked to school and then Josh had to warm up my hands because I was fucking cold. The school day passed rather uneventfully but I got Ricky :). Up til now he was exempt because of his freshman status. Not anymore. :) hahaha (btw: Ricky's ubercool) (still smells good :) lol) And I had fun and then PHots was UBER AMAZING!!!!!! Kate and Lester and Nick and Brian were all there!!!!!! (All graduated last year) I've missed Fridays like they used to be. I'm so happy to see old friends and hang out with new ones. Josh was there (which is why I smell like him). It smells SO good! Ya know how some guys (or girls) just smell really good to your nose and others smell ick? Well I love the way he smells. I'm so hyper. And Mommy's coming tonight! She'll be here between 8 and 8:30 so I won't be here til Sunday night. But I get to see my sissy and my kitty and my mommy and my stepdaddy! I've missed them all so much!!!!!! I'm probably even gonna hug Ray. That's how much I've missed them. As a general rule, I don't typically hug Ray or miss him. But I do! I want to see all of them so bad! Gonna have to wait til tomorrow morning to see Sami though since she'll be long asleep by the time I get there. I've gotta go pack though. I'll update more later. *bounces off to pack and then hurry back here while smelling her shoulder like a madwoman b/c that's the part of her shirt that smells like Josh* LOL
Vickey
Hyper
Hyper
Hyper
Bouncy
Bouncy
Bouncy
hehehe
^_^
Bye for now!
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
I wanna fall in love
Lindz and I were talking earlier and I want to make sure I have this
part of the convo saved if my computer decides to dump everything.
Don't laugh. It's happened to other people. Why should I be any
different? The convo basically speaks for itself. The Josh refered to
(in case you haven't gotten the memo yet) is a guy I like. He's Lindz's
ex as well. Very drama causing. Anyhow, here's the convo.
vickey: i wanna fall in love
lindz: i know
vickey: kay, bear with this train of thought, kay?
lindz: uh huh
vickey: when you get horny, you typically want to, like, have sex or be intimate like that, right?
lindz: yeah
lindz: like megga but yeah
vickey: okay, well i don't get that. when i get "horny", what i want is romance. i want a guy to stand behind me and just wrap his arms around me while i'm talking to whomever. i want him to kiss me on the hand. to hug me or hold me. when i get horny, i don't want to screw or whatnot. i just want romantic gestures. hell, i've never even been like "omg i wanna kiss someone!" that may very well change once i have my first kiss but, for now it's not. i just want romance.
lindz: i was like that till i got a taste of things...
vickey: the most i'm willing to do is kiss a guy. and i don't even know if i'm ready to do that (not a word of this to anyone)
lindz: i know to that your not ready as you say, and to not saying anything
vickey: english please?
lindz: i have been able to tell that you dont think your ready. and i also i wont tell
vickey: oh, okay. i get it now
bit of convo that has no relevance to this point
vickey: i want fucking romance! argh! getting pissed at life slowly but surely
lindz: you know your not gonna get just romance from josh... hes gonna want to do stuff
vickey: i know. i also know that IF anything happens with him, i demand respect. and i refuse to do "stuff". i have my standards and i'd rather live without romance than have romance and be doing stuff i'm not ready for
lindz: yeah he well nvm
vickey: what?
lindz: he just trys to push it on you even thou he says he wont do that, he just doesent realize it... dont tell him i said that thou, please
vickey: i won't. but i also know that i don't cave. i refuse to do more than i am ready for and i won't sacrifice that for anyone. i'm not going to do something b/c i want romance when i won't be able to look myself in the eye (in the mirror)
lindz: yeah and hes not really the kind of guy that has to romance your looking for... hes not that romantic
vickey: i'm not looking for it from him specifically. if i were to find the romance i'm seeking in him, great. amazing. wonderful. if i don't, fine. whatever. all i know is i like him. i can't help that. but i'd rather stay far away from him than be sucked into things i can't respect myself if i do
lindz: yeah, well im just telling you, seeing as i dated him
vickey: and i'm just saying all this
vickey: if i don't say this, and if i don't get it out and i don't make sure you know this and i get sucked into something down the road, i can convince myself then that i wanted to. that i wanted to do all that and i was never against it. that i was ready for it. but if i get it out and i make sure some one other than me knows how i feel, i can't go back against it. i can't do something and say i was ready or say i wanted to. b/c we both know i'd be lying.
lindz: yep
Life is so weird sometimes! I want romance but there's no source of it in my life. When I get romance, y'all remind me not to toss it aside, kay? Remind me to cherish it.
Love always,
Vickey
vickey: i wanna fall in love
lindz: i know
vickey: kay, bear with this train of thought, kay?
lindz: uh huh
vickey: when you get horny, you typically want to, like, have sex or be intimate like that, right?
lindz: yeah
lindz: like megga but yeah
vickey: okay, well i don't get that. when i get "horny", what i want is romance. i want a guy to stand behind me and just wrap his arms around me while i'm talking to whomever. i want him to kiss me on the hand. to hug me or hold me. when i get horny, i don't want to screw or whatnot. i just want romantic gestures. hell, i've never even been like "omg i wanna kiss someone!" that may very well change once i have my first kiss but, for now it's not. i just want romance.
lindz: i was like that till i got a taste of things...
vickey: the most i'm willing to do is kiss a guy. and i don't even know if i'm ready to do that (not a word of this to anyone)
lindz: i know to that your not ready as you say, and to not saying anything
vickey: english please?
lindz: i have been able to tell that you dont think your ready. and i also i wont tell
vickey: oh, okay. i get it now
bit of convo that has no relevance to this point
vickey: i want fucking romance! argh! getting pissed at life slowly but surely
lindz: you know your not gonna get just romance from josh... hes gonna want to do stuff
vickey: i know. i also know that IF anything happens with him, i demand respect. and i refuse to do "stuff". i have my standards and i'd rather live without romance than have romance and be doing stuff i'm not ready for
lindz: yeah he well nvm
vickey: what?
lindz: he just trys to push it on you even thou he says he wont do that, he just doesent realize it... dont tell him i said that thou, please
vickey: i won't. but i also know that i don't cave. i refuse to do more than i am ready for and i won't sacrifice that for anyone. i'm not going to do something b/c i want romance when i won't be able to look myself in the eye (in the mirror)
lindz: yeah and hes not really the kind of guy that has to romance your looking for... hes not that romantic
vickey: i'm not looking for it from him specifically. if i were to find the romance i'm seeking in him, great. amazing. wonderful. if i don't, fine. whatever. all i know is i like him. i can't help that. but i'd rather stay far away from him than be sucked into things i can't respect myself if i do
lindz: yeah, well im just telling you, seeing as i dated him
vickey: and i'm just saying all this
vickey: if i don't say this, and if i don't get it out and i don't make sure you know this and i get sucked into something down the road, i can convince myself then that i wanted to. that i wanted to do all that and i was never against it. that i was ready for it. but if i get it out and i make sure some one other than me knows how i feel, i can't go back against it. i can't do something and say i was ready or say i wanted to. b/c we both know i'd be lying.
lindz: yep
Life is so weird sometimes! I want romance but there's no source of it in my life. When I get romance, y'all remind me not to toss it aside, kay? Remind me to cherish it.
Love always,
Vickey
Monday, September 26, 2005
Candlelight Vigil
As many of us know, Promise (the wonderful woman that does the Journal Jar) has been diagnosed with cancer. She got very ill the other night and I just ask you all to please keep Promise in your thoughts and prayers. Click here for more details.
Promise, I love you and I'm praying for you!
Vickey
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I...
*I AM: just trying to figure out my place in this world
*I WANT: to know where I stand with the guys in my life
*I HAVE: worried myself too much over trivial things in the past
*I WISH: to find my One True Love
*I HATE: those who abuse the powerless
*I MISS: Mom, Sami, Zuri, and Ray so much!!!!!!!!!!
*I FEAR: Dad's reaction
*I HEAR: chatter every day that amounts to nothing
*I WONDER: how life will be a year from now
*I LOVE: with all my heart, as though I've never been hurt before
*I ALWAYS: speak my mind
*I AM NOT: a child but I am not an adult
*I AM NOT ALWAYS: the person you think I am
*I NEED: to figure out some major (and not so major) things in my life
*I SHOULD: go do my english homework.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
5 minutes
Reasons why the first five minutes after English (aka last period) were the greatest five minutes of the past four days:
1.) I saw Jack and talked to her. *small smile*
2.) I saw Sayid and Russo and they both screamed "Sawyer!" at the same moment. *small smile increases to a smile*
3.) I didn't find Lindz in the front lobby so I asked Josh who was standing outside in a group with Whats-his-face (refuse to learn his name)(won't stop hitting on me), Bryan (my ex that I've actually talked to a couple times in the past few days), Jeremy (Bryan's best friend who is actually semi-cool), and some other morons. Josh used my hair as an example of color (for what, idk) and then when I asked him if he knew where Lindz was, he put his arm around me. *smile increases to a huge smile*
Didn't find Lindz but, I'm sure she's fine. And Josh put his arm around me. He's actually talking to me again after ignoring each other's existence since Monday morning! LOL Dontcha just love the teenage drama? I swear there's too much drama in my life! Granted it'll all be forgotten by June but, then again new crap will come up and things related to this crap in some obscure way will be connected to it as though they were nearly one and the same problem.
1.) I saw Jack and talked to her. *small smile*
2.) I saw Sayid and Russo and they both screamed "Sawyer!" at the same moment. *small smile increases to a smile*
3.) I didn't find Lindz in the front lobby so I asked Josh who was standing outside in a group with Whats-his-face (refuse to learn his name)(won't stop hitting on me), Bryan (my ex that I've actually talked to a couple times in the past few days), Jeremy (Bryan's best friend who is actually semi-cool), and some other morons. Josh used my hair as an example of color (for what, idk) and then when I asked him if he knew where Lindz was, he put his arm around me. *smile increases to a huge smile*
Didn't find Lindz but, I'm sure she's fine. And Josh put his arm around me. He's actually talking to me again after ignoring each other's existence since Monday morning! LOL Dontcha just love the teenage drama? I swear there's too much drama in my life! Granted it'll all be forgotten by June but, then again new crap will come up and things related to this crap in some obscure way will be connected to it as though they were nearly one and the same problem.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Sexy pictures ;o)
Hello, Darlings! It's picture time! First, let us start with Decades Day. I did the 1980's. With Dawn's wonderful advice and my mother's clothing, this is what I wound up with...
Next, just me going nuts...
Homecoming night. Firstly, Maggie looking amazing and cute (like always)...
And lastly, me before the homecoming dance (do we all see why Josh was graviating towards me? lol not that Lindz didn't look spectacular [the reason I don't have a pic of her in here is because I didn't get any fantabulous ones] and so did the other girls there but, do I not look fabulous? I sure felt it.)...
Hope those showed up. They're not showing up on my computer but the tag in the last entry apparently showed up on your computers but not my own.
Two old short entries
I'm looking ALL over for something that take AAA batteries so that I can put them back into the stereo remote that I'm sure I took them out of months ago but the ONE place I fail to look is where we keep the extra batteries! What the heck!? Found my batteries. You can rest easy now.
I got semi-grounded today. hahaha sucks for me but, I'm ungrounded. I was only "grounded" for about 3 hours, if that. And I spent the whole time in my room, looking through magazines and talking on the phone to Lindz and Nick. Gotta go. Bedtime. I'll update more tomorrow. (When this'll get posted.)
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