Two older entries

5/12

Yesterday, I showered right after school. I washed my hair and when it dried, it dried right. I don't know what it is but typically my hair doesn't like me and doesn't dry correctly. I was confinded to my room yesterday and I finished my book but didn't do much homework. My point is I never realized how far a good hair day goes to feeling confident and good. So last night, laying on Dad's bed in my favorite shorts and my sister's old button down (silk) shirt over a tank and watching LOST, I felt wonderful. I hoped for that to last through to today but waking too early with allergies destroyed that. But if this head/stomach ache will go away (which I feel they soon shall), I'll nearly feel perfect. Last night, watching LOST, I felt happy with my mind, emotions, and body. I was completely happy with exactly how I looked and I was basically out of my body. I was kind of having an out-of-body experience. Happiness is getting lost (lol) in a show, experience, or activity and loosing track of your body, your problems, your hardships. Some find it in meditating, some in books, some in writing, some in TV. I found it last night. Not even (sorry girls) lunch with Jack, Sayid, and Russo (formerly Kate or Rachel) or laughing my arse off with Lindz has given me that feeling of happiness or contentment recently.

But the downside... after school and after my shower, I wanted to start my laundry. Dad wouldn't let me because I was confinded to my room. I got frustrated, yelled "I HATE YOU", ran to my room, sat at my desk and cried. And... I dug my nails into my legs. THe marks were so deep, I thought they'd never go away. I nearly bleed and the skin at one impression was torn. :(

5/13

I dug my nails into my leg again yesterday. Dad was frustrating me over something and rather than just cry, I dug my nails in and cried. I cried the day before too. Over the pain, over the fact that I did it, over whatever it is that was frustrating me, over everything.

I really just want a weekend to sleep in, surf the net, read my billions of e-mails, and just exist at Dad's. The past two weekends I've been at Mom's, this weekend I'll be there, next weekend I have solofest (at 9am!) and my aunt Bonnie, her husband, her son, and her neice (Darien) are coming down, the weekend after that I'll be at Mom's. I might get that weekend I want the weekend of 6/4 but it depends on Dad's work schedule.

 

Love forever and a week,
Vickey

Y'all wanted an explaination and here it is...

5/8

Okay, so I'm sitting here without my shirt on. All perverts, you may quit your sick thoughts immediately. Lindz was taking the hairs that fell out of my head off my shirt and I got sick of it and said "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST TAKE MY SHIRT OFF?" and she kept picking hairs and I whipped my shirt off and she just snapped my bra. B****.

 

Now that that bit of drama is over…. it’s hours later and I’m only writing for a minute or two. It’s nearly eleven and I intend to retire at eleven. My homework is done or excuses are made and I shall not be doing it. (And Michael, you had nothing to do with what I did not do. Unless I had begun it hours before our conversation, I would not have finished it.) So at the moment, I’m sitting here being an idiot and trying to ignore the pain in my side while Lindz and her mom speak on (different lines on the) phone. Norah Jones is sweetly serenading me as I type. So would you all like the dirt? Here it is…

 

I’m not allowed on the Internet at all from Dad’s house because I am an “ungrateful spoiled brat” and he is “not doing anything else for [me]”. He owes me only “food, clothes, and a roof over your head” and thus I must now do my own laundry and “the Internet is something [he’s] not doing for [me] anymore”. Thus, I am not allowed to use the Internet and my phone access is supposedly non-existent (but it's not). I will be updating less frequently but when I do I will, undoubtedly, have more entries per day than I normally would. I will, unfortunatly, be falling behind in my journal readings. For this I beg your forgiveness and please know that I'd be there far more frequently if I were allowed online at Dad's. I refuse to put my alerts on hold because I'd never get to your journals! (This is so surreal. When I stop typing, I can hear Lindz talking about me with Ali.)

 

I will be creating a new journal soon in which to put the weekend assignment, saturday six, and sunday brunch type things. However, Dawn's 20 questions will remain in here. My results journal has transformed into my journal jar only. All random quizzes from now on will be put into the new one. I will not mess with entries already completed but from now on, that is how it will be. My progress journal has been deleted. It had no purpose and I was not writing in it nearly as much as I should have been. I have saved the entries so I will not stress over that as well. If this journal gets deleted (like if my account gets cancelled), I will continue writing at a new journal. I'm not sure where it will be yet but it will be a blogger or xanga or livejournal type journal. Probably an Xanga because you can still get alerts on it. However, to get alerts you must have an Xanga account. It is completely free. I'd miss JLand and I'd still check in on your journals but I wouldn't be there as regularly I'm afraid. It's time to go read an alert or ten and then go sleep.

 

Thanks for being there.

 

Forever,

Vickey

Pimpin' myself (lol)

Welcome, y'all. I'm at Lindsay's Dad's for the day and I'll fill y'all in on my life a bit later. For now, it's 1:22 and I've been up since 6:45 and I'm still in my PJ's and I haven't eaten. I need food and a shower. But first.......... I have a new journal on AOL. Yes, another one. This journal is where my weekend assignments, saturday sixes, sunday brunches, etc. will go. Twenty Questions will stay right here though. It just seems right to have them stay here. The weekend assignment is being transferred so I can link it to Scalzi's comment thread. I didn't want it to be there alone so the others are going there too. Hope you enjoy it. Oh, and my "results" journal is now strictly Journal Jar.

Wastin' My Time

Vickey

Live: from the library!

I'm at the library and I'm trying to get as much dokne as possible before 3:20. You see, at 3:20, I have to call Dad and tell him I'm at the library and not the high school. Now, old entries....

5/9
I'm kind of depressed right now. I'm stressed and tense and sad. I sparknoted my whole english assignment. For about two months, I've been having trouble breathing and my back has hurt. I'm not complaining, just stating. Two months ago today, Smokey passed. Ya know what? I utterly refuse REFUSE to shatter. "I may crack but I'll never shatter/I may crack but it doesn't matter."

Even when I'm happy, there's a layer of sad wrapped around my heart. I've been battling some form of depression on and off since fifth grade. But I can't remember it feeling so permenant or entrapping ever. I can't remember this layer of sad closing over my heart. My shrink says I have chronic stress, depression, and anxiety. She also told me a dear friend tried to kill herself for attention. I am stressed and I am depressed and I don't know about the anxiety because I don't know quite what that means.

I just want my life back. Before Jon changed, before cutting and anorexia entered my life, before Smokey passed, before this sadness enveloped my life, before I realized the kind of man my father truly is, before I had to have a plan to get out if I need to, before all this chaos, before I even CONSIDERED using sex, drugs, cutting, or anorexia to rebel, before I stopped going to youth group, before my grades became a struggle, before my life became only blogging and homework, before headaches lasted for days, before breathing was a struggle, before my back hurt daily, before eating was an option, before I'd spend 20 minutes to cover the bags under my eyes if only they'd stay concealed until the next day, before guys lost their cooties, before it seemed like reality was passing me by, before I had to make a choice tougher than bring or buy lunch, just before all of this, before I could feel fifty distinct, different emotions at once.

I'm not trying to be whiny and complainy and bitchy. I'm just feeling kind of "ugh". There are plenty of good things and good moods that have happened but I just haven't written about them. It's so much more difficult to write about and capture a good mood. And when I'm in a good mood, I wnat to just live it and feel it and will it to last. I feel like if I take time to write it, I'll lose a bit of it. Recently my reallygood moods are fewer and farther between so I try to cherish them.

5/10
I'll share this good mood but I'm not sure it translates into daylight and blogging well. Yesterday ended well. After I wrote that entry my school day passed by without much significance. I'd left my gym clothes on Lindz's floor so I couldn't do gym class. (Note: I made it up today.) We started tennis so I may just learn how to play yet. hehe ^_^ Lindz met me on the bleachers and we walked up to our spot by the ladder to the announcer's booth. We haven't been up there in forever. We just sat up there and talked about for half an hour. Then, we cut across the field to the library. (Note: Same route I took today only today the tennis team was practicing and I was alone and I didn't stop at the bleachers and I'm still in my sweaty old gym clothes.) We got on the internet and I checked my e-mail and IMed while she did whatever and IMed. About half an hour before Dad came, I went to get books. Dad picked us up and dropped Lindz off. I got home and collapsed on the couch. Dad looked at the books I got and took one of them back (The Sixteen Pleasures)(which I can always get out and hide from him). I laid on the couch and read My Father had a Daughter until nearly six. Then I worked out a little (like 100 crunches and 100 jumping jacks) and changed before Lindz got there to pick me up around 7:30. We sat on her bed (well, laid) for a bit before going out onto her trampoline to do homework, talk, and jump. We were out there laughing and jumping and plotting (covered in bug spray that didn't help much). The dog at the house behind us was barking and the guy started yelling and we were complaining to each other about him. I could not stop laughing for, like, 20 minutes. Lindz suggested I was high and I said something to the effect of, "blah blah blah, man, blah blah blah" (What was it, Lindz?) Anyway, the timing was perfect and the "man" like stoner talk was priceless. We swung on her swings for a while and then we went in and worked on her basement. I got on her computer and read some alerts and we went to bed around midnight. We were planning to skip school but I got up and ready. :( Lindz went home sick today.

 

That's all I got but I'll be back soon! Dad'll be here in less than five minutes and I wanna be offline when he gets here.

Love always,
Vickey

20 Questions

Hey, y'all. Dad gave me two hours on here tonight! Yippee! But my two hours is quickly coming to a close. :( Lindz started an AIM Blog. You can visit it here.

1. Do you still have any of the toys you played with as a child? Megan, Mariah is somewhere with Blankey and Fuzz is on my bed

2. What’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone you’re attracted to? eyes

3. What’s your favorite movie snacks? soda and candy

4. You’re given a lot of money and can choose one of the following, which one do you pick? D

A.) A Chef

B.) Fitness Trainer

C.) A housekeeper

D.) A massage therapist

5. If you have a career you enjoy did you always know that’s exactly what you wanted to do and if not what would you like to do? Don't have one and don't know what I want to do

6. What’s your favorite day of the week? None really

7. A genie grants you 3 wishes so what do you ask for?

1) my health to return 100%

2) certain people to honestly be the way they were

3) Samantha to go without the whole cutting/eating disorder/insecurity issue

8. If you could start your own business what kind of business would you want to have? Umm... probably a clothing store

9. What were your favorite TV shows growing up? A billion of 'em including Legends of the Hidden Temple and Double Dare

10. If you could have one super power what one would you want? Selective invisibility.

11. What has been your most humiliating moment? I forget them nearly immediately

12. What’s your favorite summertimetreat? Uhhhh strawberries?

13. If you had to build the perfect body for yourself what celebrity bodies would you form it with? My eyes, hands, and butt,Jessica Alba's abs (the girl in Honey), Jennifer Aniston's hair, and somebody's legs (can't think of whose right now). Oh, and Marilyn Monroe's curves.

14. If you could ask a fellow blogger one question what would you ask? I'd ask you all why you started your blog and why you've kept it going.

15. What three interests would you most like to pursue? Pilates/Yoga, photography, and knitting

16. If you could meet one celebrity, who has died, and interview them who would you pick? Marilyn Monroe. Amazing actress, sex icon, and mysterious death

17. If you could baby-sit for one fellow bloggers child whose children would you pick? Ummm... anybody that wants me to!

18. What’s your current favorite song? Currently? Uh.... Makin' Memories of Us by Keith Urban

19. Who was your favorite teachers growing up? Mrs. Foro (K-1), Mrs. Blondale (3), Mrs. Colway (4), Mrs. Otto (5), Mrs. Zeller (Art), Mrs. Stock (music), Ms. Messenger (library), and about a billion others

20. What’s your favorite kind of penny candy? Ummm… no idea

Love always,
Vickey

First private journal entry

Let's see if it'll save! Geez. I've tried to write this a billion times! So my journal is now private and that story is coming soon. I'll be updating far less often and I'll be checking yours less frequently but I will be there eventually! I promise. Just because you got an invite does not mean you must read. You can still click the little X. Kay? Kay. If you know of anyone that would like an invite, tell me and I'll probably shoot them one.

Love always,
Vickey

ATTENTION!!!!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone! if your reading this alert please view it!!!!! Vickey's dad is now not letting her on the Internet.... EVER!!!!! (This is Lindsay) and she has told me to make her journal private and she will be sending out invations to view it soon... so dont worry.... i will update you later

Bye, Lindz

:(

Unfortunatly, this is kind of a downer. Up next entry though, a serious upper. For me anyhow....

My father does not know anything about me. He cannot possibly know anything because he is a flipping jerk. I wish he would just die. He should stop speaking about my mother that way. It is irreprehensible the way he is behaving. My mother is fine and he is the pain. Nobody seems to understand the way things truly are. It's a billion little things that add up to me hating him. It's a billion little things (none of which include the "lies" and "manipulations" my mother has concocted because there are NONE) that add up to me wanting to move! My father is a hypocritical jerk and I wish he'd shut up. It is MY LIFE AND NOT HIS! Mine to mess up and mine to escape. It has absolutely nothing to do with him. I wish he'd quit the martyrdom because I don't care. He fooled everyone into thinking he was a fine father and that I'm not being abused in any way, shape, or form because he's "God's gift to the world" but guess what? He's the Devil's torture to me. He's Hell on earth. This world is awful enough: do I really need him?
I've just made a decision and I'm very sorry that I must make this decision. I'm going private. Please, leave me a comment if you want to be allowed to continue reading this. I will be keeping my other private journal and the things in each journal will be different just as they are now. I will either create another journal to keep the Weekend Assignment and Saturday Six and Sunday Brunch and such in or I will use Journal Jar and More! to keep those activites in. I can no longer live with the fears of my father finding my journal and using it against me. He already seems to know things that he shouldn't. I regret having to make this decision and I hope that at some point in the near future, I can go back to being public. Perhaps there is a way around this. Perhaps I will merely change what I write where. I do NOT want to go private and I feel as though I am being forced. If anyone has a solution other than ensuring my privacy with AOL's controls, please let me know. And please do not tell me to speak to my father because that's a) impossible because he's a stubborn pigheaded sexist and does not listen and b) I cannot speak to him without blowing up. There is a reason my parents marriage did not work and part of that reason is that they are both stubborn and have bad tempers at times. I've inherited both their tempers (especially my mother's towards my father) and their stubbornness. I cannot deal with this any longer. May the lord help me keep strength through this that is my life. And may He help it change quickly.

Vickey

:)

UBERSPAZZING! OMG OMG OMG! SCALZI I LOVE YOU! AOL IS AMAZING! Thank you Val for telling me that my assignment was linked on the main journal screen! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I am so totally spazzing out and I so totally deserve starbucks! My father is determined to suck the up out of me and I am more so determined to keep it! SO UBERSPAZZING! Thank you to all who have stopped by recently and I'll be at your journals soon to return the favor!

The uberspazzer

Two old entries

Last Thursday
Today has been so weird. I woke up and got ready and stuff and never saw BG. :) I caught the bus early and got to the corner and Lindz was nowhere to be found. Damn. I needed her shirt and hat. She got there and I got the stuff. Voice. Realized I didn't have my swimsuit. Called BG to bring it. German. Math. Got suit. Science. This is where the weather turned weird. It'd been decent all morning but now it started to thunder-mega freaking Yay! -Then rain and then HAIL! It stopped soon though. :( Lab (ick) Lunch-finished English packet! Global. English-skit that I so totally did not bomb! Gym-stayed dry, canoeing. Came home and went straight onto couch. Bit of TV then computer and boring all afternoon. It's been a weird afternoon too. Rachel can't come for the weekend but can come to Starbucks. Bedtime. (This was supposed to be an interesting and intelligent entry. Oh, well.)

Last Friday
Today is going to be a great day. I feel good. I did my make-up well. My afternoon plans should be enormously fun and Garth Brooks! We have videos each morning before the announcements and today they had Garth! A video of "Ain't Goin' Down (til the Sun Comes Up)" Live. The day can't be bad when it starts like that! After school, I'm going to Starbucks with Rach (and possibly others) then buying Sami her gift at Target. I've gotta pack and do computer stuff. Should be very very amusingly fun.
After some joking with Lester and (unfortunately) reminding him about yesterday *blushes*, voice is over and German has begun. I got stamps. Yay. 25 stamps=1% on our report card grade. I've been reading for most of my life and since I can remember, books have satisfied me. I'd finish one and need time to digest it before beginning a new one. I'd be sad that I'd finished it and yet happy and I'd feel complete. Lately, ever since Where The Heart Is, books don't satisfy me. I must be reading a book or have a book that I'm in the middle of nearby. I almost always finish a book if I start it but lately, I haven't been finishing Sparks books. Granted, I have read them before but not in the recent past. Now that I've finished The Lady And The Unicorn, I am bookless! German is over and math's halfway gone. I'm so desperate for a book that I began A Tale of Two Cities for English. It is such a headache! I'll go to the library during study hall and get a book for the weekend. Unfortunately, study hall is still four hours away!
Oh, I saw Sixteen Candles last night for the first time. I missed a scene or two but I loved it. And whoever plays Jake Ryan is cu-ute! I recently saw The Breakfast Club for the first time and while I admire it for its notoriety, it rather bored me. Within 15 minutes of beginning 16 Candles, I was hooked! I loved it. But it, too, left me unsatisfied. The only thing I felt satisfied about completing yesterday was making chocolate covered strawberries and even that was a bit melancholy. I felt so good, so right chopping up chocolate and fashioning a double boiler and cleaning strawberries and swirling them slowly around the bowl of melted Easter chocolate rabbits. It felt so right and when they were ready, they were divinely orgasmic. That is my absolute favorite dessert in the whole entire universe.
I looked up a synopsis of Les Mis and have fallen in love with what I know of it. I must watch the video and get a better feel for Eponine (said eh-po-nee). But how do I look like I'm all alone in the world, mourning for unrequited love? There are only 33 days of classes before finals! Yay! Science time. Today has really been a great day so far. I guess I'm a bit cynical or something because part of me is worrying what will go wrong. In most of my experience, every time a day is going really well, something bad happens. The day I found out about Smokey (oh, btw, my father and I fought over her yesterday), I was in a great mood. Singing Moulin Rouge and hyper. My brother said he wanted a Livestrong bracelet because Tiger has cancer. I told him that livestrong is not for cats and Tiger has diabetes, not cancer. I was informed that Tiger does have cancer and I was being cruel and why couldn't I be supportive.
Nobody was when I lost Smokey.
But you didn't know ahead of time. That was sudden.
I knew 3 months before. Your mother told me I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with her body. Which didn't even matter because nobody asked me.
Sometimes you can't choose.
She was MY cat! MY cat! I should be able to choose what happens to her body.
If she's your cat, why didn't you do something?
Like what?
Like clean her litter box {insert more crap that I didn't hear as I ran up to watch 16 Candles and cry}.

How dare he? I was a child. A child does not change litter. All my cats are now sick. Smokey died. Tiger has cancer. Chyna hates it there. My babies were fine before they went there. Ha. It appears I've dampened my own mood. I can retrieve it easily though. For some reason, I'm never sad around Rach, Sayid, or Jack. I instantly get cheerful. It's not a forced response, it just happens.
Did you know the famous, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" line (first line of A Tale of Two Cities) is actually really long? It's an entire friggin' paragraph!
Guys, y'all are so lucky. Y'all never have to deal with bras being too tight or two loose or cleavage showing or a million other female worries from messing up our make-up to cramps. Then again, you have to deal with our complaining about it along with your male problems. Sorry if I ever complain to ya 'bout this kinda stuff.
Oooo! Choir time. Choir was good and then lunch was entertaining as always. I even liked Global and English. We blocked and watched skits (amazingly well done!) and then "read". I'm going to the library now. School library that is…

The bottom fell out after school. I hung out with Rach, Sayid, and Anja for a bit and then I walked to the local diner thingy (henceforth known as Hots) and met up with Lindz and others. I called Dad to remind him to pick me up and see if he could pick up Lindz too. He could. I realized a bit later that I hadn't said I was at Hots. I called back and he didn't answer. Just then, he pulled in. I asked if we could stop in Starbucks and he refused. All I wanted was a "rainbow" cookie (aka M&M cookie). But he wouldn't stop and he was being an arse and made me cry. I knew the bottom would fall out. We dropped Lindz off and went to Target. I got Sami's b-day gift and made Dad hold it while I "went to the bathroom". I went to the bathroom and before I even got there, the tears were spilling down. What hurt worse was that cynical though I was, and as much as I expected the bottom to fall out, I had hoped against hope that it wouldn't. It did and it sucked and I cried in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. I went back and found Dad and he asked if I "felt better after", I'll put this in nicer terms, using the restroom. He thinks he knows me so well but he can't read my eyes. Easiest emotion to read is when I've been crying and he couldn't even tell that. You've got to know me well to read my eyes and he obviously can't. So I got home and packed and when Mom came, I left with only one word "bye". I didn't say "good-bye" or "See ya on Monday" or "Have a nice weekend" just "bye". He's the reason the bottom fell out; all he gets is bye.

Love always,
Vickey

Ugh

Done a few weeks ago......

Fifteen Years Ago I.........

1. Was a typical two-month old

Ten Years Ago I..........

1. Had nearly finished my first year in Mrs. Foro’s K-1 class

2. Loved my mommy and daddy

3. Loved Pocahontas

4. Had already stolen fuzz from my parents

Five Years Ago I........

1. Was in Mrs. Colway’s fourth grade (she happened to be the sub for Mrs. Foro when she went on maternity leave when I was in first grade)

2.  Was watching my parents fight quite often (but this had been happening progressively for a couple years)

3. Was best friends with Tori

4. Met Nate (which would lead me to met Ali, his younger sister)

Three Years Ago I........

1. Was twelve years old and in sixth grade

2. Found out I’d be in Honors English for seventh grade (an honor I am now struggling to keep)

3. Thought I’d never get out of Mr. Giotto’s class!

4. Met Nikki, Jordan, Jenny, and Keisha (then stopped talking to all but Jordan around June)

5. Met the girl I know call Jack

One Year Ago I.........

1. Was losing Lindz’s friendship to her then boyfriend and to Lyndz’s friendship

2. Slept at Liz’s house when Dad worked nights

3. “Dated” Mike (hahaha!)

4. Discovered Gretchen Wilson

5. Could not wait for Samantha to be one!

Six Months Ago I..........

1. Was plotting to be a Temptress for Halloween

2. Began feeling tempted (How did THAT milestone pass by me unnoticed?)

3. Was labeled Sawyer

4. Began to think about moving in with Mom seriously

5. Was still nursing a broken heart and a case of denial

Three Months Ago I........

1. Still faithfully wrote in my Progress J

2. Had straight A’s

3. Was great friends with Jack, Sayid, and Kate

4. Began the “tradition” of spitting out my drink when I laugh (and blushing at the same time)

Yesterday I............

1. Got up before my alarm

2. Thought Lindz would be really depressed (and no, you can’t ask me to take that out, Lindz) but she wasn’t

3. Took a nap on the couch

4. Had my back hurt by my chiro

5. Yelled at Dan for being a coward

Tomorrow I ............

1. Celebrate my sister’s birthday

2. Refuse to let Lindz be depressed

3. Have to swim in gym class

4. Have a MAJOR essay due in English

5. Hope to get a life!

Today I:

 

1. Was tortured

 

2. Wished someone would die

 

3. Was reassured that, yes, all guys suck

4. Feared anorexia

 

Love always,
Vickey

Saturday Six

Mood: Can't breathe and still slightly miffed

Oh Lordy, Lordy. Help! Ahhh! I can't breathe at the moment. I can't get enough breath and my head is kinda spinning around. Oh Lord. Gosh. I'll be back when I can get my breath.

Kay, forget trying to breath. Time for a distraction. Saturday Six

1. What do you tend to focus on the most?
   A.  The past.
   B.  The present.
   C.  The future as you think it will be.
   D.  The future as you are afraid it will be.

I try to focus on the present but I think I'm afraid that I focus on the past more.

2. Name three famous people (living or dead) whose blogs you would like to be able to read.

Nicholas Sparks, Jesus (and you don't need to point out that I can read His Word in the Bible cuz I know that but he had to have private thoughts that did not have anything to do with what is in the Bible), and Tom Brady (to see if he's as deep as he is sexy)

3. How long have you lived in your current residence?  How much longer do you intend to live in the same place?

I've lived here since October of 2003 and I intend to live here only as long as it takes for the judge to say I can move.

4. Take the pointless quiz:  What color is your heart?  My heart is blue. Now what the heck does that mean?

5. How many of AOL's journalers have you met in person?  How many have you spoken with by telephone? None and none.

6. RAPID FIRE Question #2:  Who or what is the most annoying:
   a) Politician-George W.
   b) Late Night Talk Show Host-ummmmmm idk
   c) Color-puce
   d) Habit-double standards
   e) Female Celebrity-Paris Hilton
   f) Male Celebrity-Carrot Top
   g) Television Show-South Park (how many times can Cartman say f*** in one show?)
   h) Commercial-idk
   i) Fashion Statement-the jail bait look
   j) Word-any one that is said too many times in a row

Time to go bye-bye for the moment and read more journals.

Love always,
Victoria

Interview response

I interviewed Dawn and allowed her to interview me as well. Below are her questions and my answers.

1. You have a sister that is significantly younger then you but if you don't do you ever wish you had older siblings and if you do are you as fond of them are you are of your little sister? I have one older brother but I don't know him. He's my half-brother and he was adopted at the age of six months. I do wish sometimes that I had an older brother but being the oldest is nice sometimes. And I have Julia.

2. You have a chance to meet the person you will most likely marry when you two are young.  Do you meet them or wait till you're older? I'll wait. Though it would be wonderful to meet him and get to know him, I feel that I'll meet him when the time is right. I can wait till then.

3. What profession are you most interested in? I'm interested in many professions but at the moment, I want to become a chef and am interested in the food business. I know this is a hard business to break into but I'd like to pursue it a bit farther before I make up my mind about it.

4.  Is there any talent or special skill you wish you had? I'd love it if I could sing like I do on my good days every day or if I could dance. My dancing is horrible! I don't dance often and I don't dance well. That's a skill I'd like to have.

5. What would most people be surprised or shocked to find out about you?  I think most people that don't read this journal might be shocked to find out what goes on inside my head. Most people at school think I'm either normal or weird or whatnot and they'd never assume I've been tempted to hurt myself or that I'm concerned about my weight at times. When Rachel first read this, she was shocked. If you do read this journal, I think you'd be shocked to know that I'm quite immature at times.

6. Is there a part of the country, or any country, that a fellow blogger has described that you would love to visit? There are definitely places of the country and other countries I want to visit though I can't say that it was due to any blogger. I've always wanted to go to England and to Ireland and France and Germany and other European countries. I've always wanted to travel to "the south" and to experience life in other places of the U.S. but no body really talks about their part of the country in particular. Obviously they talk about their lives there but for me part of the intrigue of a place is the scenery and the feel of it.

7. What are your 4 biggest fears? I was just talking about something like this today at lunch. I have a lot of mini-fears like being hit by a car (again) or being shoved off into traffic but they're mostly circumstantial. I'm most afraid of never finding my true love. *I'll get back to these questions soon but for the moment, I can't concentrate seeing as my father is pissing me off again and the computer is going to kick me off in two minutes.* *Okay. I'm back and I'm doing this while listening to Ruby Shooz before Sami's birthday party!* I'd die if something ever happened to anyone I love (Mom, Sami, Ray, Lindz, Sayid, Jack, Kate, along with anyone else that I love!) So that's three (circumstantial, never finding my true love, and something bad happening to anyone I love) and my fourth greatest fear is flunking English this year and all the bad things that I've figured that will lead to (including not getting into college and not getting a good job).

8. Are people frequently surprised by the maturity you exhibit for a person your age? YES! Do you know how many times people have IMed me or e-mailed me or commented that they can't believe I'm fifteen!? Anyone that reads this blog is amazed and I'm not exaggerating here. Most everyone that reads this tells me at least once that they can't believe I'm only fifteen. Guess what people? I am.

9. You're given the chance to be invisible. What do you spend the day doing? *Samantha is now sitting on my lap being all adorable and just staring at the screen and my stepdaddy would like to tell you that the advice of the day is "never play leap frog with a unicorn. unless he's hornless. then he's a horse". My stepdad is a freak. :)* If I could be invisible for a bit, I'd spend it just hanging out in all likelihood. I'd go to some of my favorite places and hang. Just enjoy being without interruptions (as nobody knows where I am cuz they can't see me!). I'd go to the pond and to Harris Hill Park and back to Marion and to Niagra Falls and a billion places.

10. Most people have a quirk that comes out when they get nervous what's your's if you have one? Oh gosh. I don't know. When I'm nervous, I shake. Like my arms and legs will get all shaky and my knees'll feel like that can't support me but is that really a quirk? Umm..... *pause to sing along to Ruby Shooz* Well what am I nervous about? If it's about meeting someone, I rattle on and on or I just hush up and don't say a word. If it's about a presentation or a test, I get all pessimistic and I predict the worst. I say that I'm gonna flunk and that I'll forget all the answers/my lines and then I do fine. lol Typically, I rattle on or hush up or get really pessimistic and predict that I'll flunk/die/forget everything.

If anyone else would like to interview me or would like to be interviewed and has not yet, leave a comment. Oh, and if you want to interview me, just e-mail me the questions or leave them in a comment! Samantha disappeared into the living room and it's time for me to go be social (the party'll be starting in a few). Oh, and I'm going to be participating in Krissy's Photo Scavengar Hunt a bit late. I'm taking pictures today.   Love always,
Vickey