Recommitment

Y'all know what? I am sick of excuses and sick of procrastinating and sick of the way my life is going lately. I just sent a testimonial to the FLYcrew and I'm going to post it here.

Dear FLYcrew,

       It's almost 6:30 and guess what? I'm still in the same pajamas I've been wearing for two days, my hair is a greasy mess, and my glasses are still on (and man are they dirty). Lovely picture, huh? Of course I've been justifying this to myself with a few typical excuses. "I'm a teenager! What do you expect?" or "It's a long weekend. I deserve to be lazy now and then." But ya know what? So what if I'm only sixteen? I can get dressed in the morning. I've been doing it by myself since I was a little kid. I know it's a long weekend but I always seem to find an excuse to procrastinate.

     I had decided to start eating better after the new year. Starting January 1st, I was "going on a diet". Well that very day I wrecked my diet and beat myself up for it. I wrecked it every day straight for 8 days and then finally gave up count. I'd make excuse after excuse as to why I broke those rules I created. "Oh it's that time of the month. I can allow myself a junk food lunch." or "I'm depressed and that loser just hurt me. I'm gonna go eat some chocolate." No matter how many excuses I make, they're just excuses and I'm SICK of them! Starting right now, I'm going to do better. No, I'm not going on a diet but I am going to treat my body right. I'm going to nurture my body, my soul, and my faith. I will not let my depression or the circumstances in my life keep me down any longer.

      Like I just said, I'm going through a depression right now but I know that with the help of routines and therapy and the wonderful friends I have, I can get out of this horrid state of being. My family situation is far from perfect and as I start to realize that I need to get out of this depression and that my father only contributes to it, I realize the extent of the damage my parent's divorce did to me. If for no reason other than to get back at the guy that just hurt me (again), I am going to get over him and get out of this depression and I'm going to start eating right and blessing my heart. I already know the next time I have to see him and by that point I intend to a) be over him and b) make him wish he hadn't screwed up his chances with me. I'm through with the stinkin' thinkin'and I'm through with this depression. I want out of it as fast as possible and I know that with routines even if I do still have bad days and even if this depression does last a couple more months like I suspect it will (I think it's a seasonal thing in addition to circumstantial) I will be functioning and I will be actively trying to get better. I'm not going to just rot in this bad mood anymore.

     Thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for helping me realize that, teenager or not, I should be able to get up every morning and get dressed, whether I have school or not and that getting dressed does not mean pajamas unless it's school spirit. May God bless you all! And now, to go restart my day by showering and getting dressed to the shoes!

Fluttering in New York

So like I said, I'm sick of excuses and I'm going to start FLYing. I'll be back later but I have to go hop in the shower. I'm absolutely disgusting today.