Tonight

Sittin here with my yummy Godiva ice cream and waitin for my hair to dry. I've got an appointment with my law guardian but, I'm not going to write about it in here. Sorry. So, what's been up in my life in a nutshell? VBS and exhaustion. VBS is vacation bible school. I love it! I'm working with the Loving Lions this year (aka the 6 & 7 year olds). They're awesome. They listen to me even. The actual teacher (I'm the helper) is kind of a flake. She doesn't exactly know what she's doing. I wind up getting the kids lined up and to their next destination. Easy enough but, it's supposed to be her job. Oh, well. There were 12 kids Monday, 14 on Tuesday and Wednesday, and 12 today. Tomorrow, there'll be 13, I think. But I won't be there. :( We have to leave here at 9am. Right when VBS starts. :( At least I can go to the dinner and eat "wildabeast roast beef".)

I got my Anna Dagmar CD. I'll upload one of the songs and replace Rooftop. (Awesome song but, it needs to be changed.) I'll put on Let Go. Gotta run a quick blow dry thru my hair and teach Dad how to curl hair. Hahahaha. Basically, he has to wrap my hair around these things like a ribbon on a pencil. Not too hard. G'night.

Vickey

(Law guardian crud in my private J tomorrow and the photo scavengar hunt about comfort/consolation in here tomorrow.)

Oh, goodness!

Somebody help me. I'm going to the carnival tonight with my dad, brother, Nick (Liz's ex), and Lindz. Lindz will be my saving grace. Though Nick isn't as bad as he used to be. Just wanted to say that and that I'm safe and home. Gotta get ready for the fireman's carnival. Let's hope I can find a cute fireman and avoid the fried dough stand. Oooo! And Ruby Shooz is playing there. How 'bout a little doo wop for ya? *sings* Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba dow be do be dow dow dow dow dow dow be do be dow dow dow dow dow ba be do be dow whoa whoa whoa whoa. *resumes normal voice* Bye bye, baby!

Lyrics and rambling

I know there’s something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
you’ve built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns too dark

listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you
listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
they’re swept away and nothing is what is seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams

listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you
listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

and there are voices
that want to be heard
so much to mention
but you can’t find the words
the scent of magic
the beauty that’s been
when love was wilder than the wind

listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you
listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your heart....mm..mmm

I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

 

I post lyrics in here when they mean something to me. I figured this should go in here so that I won't forget and it should go in here soon so that I remember my reasons. Listen to your heart haunted me for about three weeks and still does. This song will always and forever remind me of my ex (Bryan). It meant to me that I had to listen to my heart about whether I should break up with him or not. In the end, I told him goodbye, as we all know. This song is beautiful and I love it but, it always makes me a little sad. Actually, I nearly cry whenever I hear it. Even though a) I dumped him and b) I don't regret it. I'd rather talk on the phone for hours with friends and actually converse than talk on the phone with the guy I'm dating for minutes and not say anything. It wasn't worth it. So guys, if you want a shot with me, make sure I can talk to you. Not that you can control it. But hours of conversation definitely ups your chances. Silence is precious and if it's not strained or tense, then silence is wonderful. But when it's both of you sitting there straining to think of something to say, silence sucks. So basically, this song will always remind me of Bryan, even though he'll never know it. Funny. I made a list of "firsts" and though he's the only guy thus far to have the title of boyfriend, he's the guy I've probably had the least physical contact out of all the guys on that list. Nope. I take it back. Nicholas. My first crush. Never once even brushed his hand passing him a pencil. Then there's Jon, Chris, and Murph. None of whom have had the title, all of whom have had more physical contact. (Before you pull on your mother/father hat, Jon felt me up, Chris held my hand and slapped my arse, and Murph... well, he's just Murph. lol meaning he's held my hand, I've gotten a piggyback ride from him, and I think he slapped my arse. But whatever. So I don't need the whole protection/you're so young speech. Kay? Kay. Thanks.)

I don't know if I'll make it on before we leave tomorrow but probably not. Have fun and don't miss me too much. Love ya!

Vickey

P.S. If any of you read Lindz's blog, she doesn't know it but I'm about to update it for her. hahaha. She's done it on here so I figure I'm allowed to pay her back. I'm so evil. Go check it out even if you don't read it regularlly.

Confession

I'm actually domestic. You wouldn't know it. I complain about cooking dinner and I don't bake regularly and heaven forbid you ever find me cleaning unless company is coming over or I'm desperate for money. But I like it, actually. I like cooking. I like baking. I like cleaning, occasionally and when I can do it my way. I like being domestic. Every now and then, I put on the June Cleaver hat and become a very cooking and cleaning like person. Today is one of those days. I made myself dinner and actually cooked. It was only a scrambled egg and toast but, I didn't burn the house down, didn't wreck the pan, and didn't burn the egg OR the toast. This is amazing for the girl that nearly burnt water the other day. So if ever I complain about hating cooking or absolutely sucking at it, I'm lying. I love to cook (not every day but overall). And I'm pretty good at it if I have directions. Granted, I have to call LindzandJosh (they've become one already) and my dad to get them to tell me that I'm doing it right. (The toast I can handle. The egg was a bit iffy.) Sure some things turn out horrid *cough* brownies *cough* but, overall I can cook and not kill anyone and not screw it up horribly. So whenever I complain about cooking, baking, or cleaning, or the like, I'm lying or I'm in a bad mood that day. I'm off to go finish packing and cleaning up my room. Oh, and load-unload the dishwasher and check to see if my clothes are dry yet.
List of domestic things done in the past 24 hours:
Cooked dinner
Did laundry
Cleaned in my room
Dishes
Possibly going to make cookies
Cleaned the tub
Packed my bag for Darien Lake

Heaven help me if I ever had to do all this EVERY day but, when it's every now and then like it is now (except the laundry part), I kinda like it.

You can send the angry mob after me now. And no, I won't do your house. Sorry.

My night

Last night during a very loooong conversation with Murph, I discovered that he has read every single one of my online journals except Ma serie de crisis (my private journal) and possibly myspace (I forgot to ask about that one). I kept asking him random questions and he asked if I was pulling them out of no where or out of a book or whatnot. I replied that most of them I was just thinking of but that some of them were inspired by The Journal Jar. When I went to explain what that was, he told me he'd read both my journal jar and the original journal jar. This is when I asked which of my journals he'd read.

My grandmother tells me I'm "twitter-pated" over him. I told her she's full of it. (Twitter-pated is what Disney says the animals in Bambi get in the spring. Basically, in heat. Great. Now I'm an animal.) Oh, and guess what? I have plans for approximatly a week.
Thursday (today): pack and sleep at Lindz
Friday: go to Darien Lake with Lindz and her dad
Saturday: still at Darien
Sunday: come back from Darien
Monday: VBS that morning, ice cream that night
Tuesday: VBS again
Wednesday: VBS that morning, pool that afternoon (pool the game, not the water) against Murph, and ER fireman's carnival/Ruby Shooz concert that night
Thursday: my last day of VBS
Friday: meet with my law guardian

And that's all I know of. But I actually have something to get up for every day til next Friday. I'm getting kind of bored with summer. It's a bit monotonus just sitting here every day. Guess I should do something like go down to the pool and get a tan or whatnot. You'd think I could at least be lazy outside, wouldn't you? Then again, if I were to laze by the pool, I'd get burnt seeing as how I can get burnt on a cloudy day in December. Yep, that's me. :) lol I'll get tan this weekend though. I got a tan at Kirsten's pool the other day. Scratch that. I got burnt. Then Monday, right when my sunburn was fading, I went to Stonybrook and got tanner. The only thing that burnt there was my chest (where I'd been burnt from Kirsten's the worst). So now I have a tan that will undoubtedly get stronger over the course of the weekend and I'll go to VBS looking like a lobster. After VBS, I'll take full advantage of the pool here and get more lobster-like.

I've been thinking lately about my time in NYC. I went with Gramma, Scott, and Red. Red had been Gramma's exchange student from Germany the year we had Julia. Red's real name is Julia but we called her Red a) to distinguish between the two and b) because her hair was dyed red for most of her year here. While we were there, I had my loooooong hair. It was nearly down to my arse. So during the heat of August, I wore it up every day, typically just in a ponytail. Red took my ponytail one day and was swinging it around and she started calling me a "freak on a leash". For you Korn fans, yes, it is a song from Korn. I didn't know that it was a song until Monday on the way to Stonybrook. The entire time I was in New York, I was called vampire, freak on a leash, and, toward the end of our vacation after I got the worst burn I've ever had on Fire Island, tomato. That was an amazing vaca though. I loved New York and I'd love to go back now that I can more fully appreciate the city. At eleven, I thought it was amazing to get out of Small Town, USA. Now, I've been out of Small Town, USA a few times (NY before 6th, and DC in 8th) and I'd love to see what's there that I didn't notice before or that I didn't have time to see in our two days in Manhattan. (We spent most of our time in this little town where our hotel was. Can't remember the name of it. It was really cool though.) Anybody wanna meet me in New York, New York? ;-)

Ever had a night you were really stressed out and had to turn down plans with a good friend because you didn't want to snap at them? Yeah... yesterday was like that after Dad got home. Well, let me start at the beginning. I woke up and got ready and Gramma drove me to the community center to meet Lindz and her lover-boy. (hahaha) (her new crush, not her new bf, yet) So I hung out there til about 4 when Lindz's Dad picked us up and drove me home. (BTW: Josh is a pretty nice guy, Lindz. And I swear I know him from somewhere before Linear but I can't remember where. He looks really familiar. Especially his eyes. Idk y though.) After that, I hung out here for a bit and salvaged something for dinner. When Dad got home, I was on the phone with Lindz and I was gonna go over to her house to help pack up the pots and pans and whatnot and to (finally) hear her dish. I planned to take a shower first though because my hair was disgusting. *pauses to dance to Brooks and Dunn's Something Country* *back but still dancing and singing in my chair* Dad didn't want me to go over there in the first place so I had Lindz explain it to him. He agreed and he'd drive me there and her dad would drive me back. I was lounging about in mybathrobe and pjs so Dad told me to get dressed. I said I was taking a shower first but he said I couldn't. I didn't have time. I had a small window of patience with him. I called Lindz back and said I wasn't coming. I was very aggrivated at this point. I explained the situation and that I wasn't going anywhere without showering, sorry. She offered to let me shower there but, I didn't want to. I wanted to use my shampoo and conditioner and had to use my soap (I use Dial soap b/c it repels mosquitoes more than other soap and I was highly allergic to mosquito bites as a child). I wound up deciding to take a hot bath. This meant I'd have to clean the tub first. So 5 minutes of cleaner and sponge later, I rinsed the tub out and went downstairs to get the salt and a hot drink. (Salt keeps the heat in the water longer. I always add it to my bath.) I grabbed my candles and some toothpicks (to light the stubborn ones at weird angles). The new Harry Potter, my CD player, and a towel also accompanied me. I put my bath oil into the tub. Never having used this before, I didn't know how slippery it would make the tub. For the next hour, I periodically filled the tub a bit more, slid around the tub while trying to get into a new position, and read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. After I got sick of soaking, I showered and slid out of the bathtub and into my bedroom. When I got dried and dressed, I called Lindz and talked to her for a bit. When we got off the phone, I called Murph. This was around 9 or 9:30, I think. At 9:50, Dad kicked me off the phone for a bit so he could call Gail (who had come over before I got in the tub and left shortly before Dad confiscated the phone). By 10:10, I was back on the line with Murph and that conversation lasted until 12:30 in the morning. I went to bed, for the first time in about three or four days, without feeling empty and depressed. I woke up this morning and haven't done much today. I'm still in my pj shirt (but I did throw on jeans) and I've read more of Harry Potter and I'm just lazing about procrastinating. I have to pack my bag and I'll start that about 5, I guess. Til then, GH and Strong Medicine, and clean my room, FLY style (aka 15 minutes at a time).

Love always,
Vickey

P.S. You might not see me around til Monday or thereabouts. So, have a great weekend and I'll miss ya. You'll get the full scoop when I get back.

20 Questions

1. What’s your all time favorite way to relax on a much deserved day off? Well, I've got another month off so I have all the time off I need. I don't really deserve days off cuz I don't do anything! But when I do deserve days off (during the school year), I sleep late, read a lot, and just hang out.

2. As a teenager did you ever get arrested for doing something silly? I'm still a teenager. Never been arrested and nor have my friends.

3. Is there anything you wouldn’t eat as a child that you absolutely love now? I don't LOVE it now but, I like broccli now.

4. Out of these four which one is your favorite when you were younger:

A.) Mr. Rogers on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood

B.) Kermit the Frog on the Muppet Show

C.) Big Bird on Sesame Street

D.) Bozo the Clown on the Bozo the Clown Show

5. Will you see the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake or do you prefer the original with Gene Wilder? I love the original but, I'm going to see the remake. Just to say I saw it and to compare. I don't have to like it.

6. Do you have any famous relatives? Ummm.... not that I'm aware of 

7. If you could pick two celebrities to be your parents who would you pick? I have no clue. 

8. What do you consider your best personality trait? I'm compassionate, mostof the time.

9. What’s been your favorite question you’ve answered in ANY of the past 20 questions? No clue. They're all great questions. 

10. If you could go back in time and be any age which age would you pick? Seven. I want to keep my connection with my Gumpy. (That reminds me. I need your advice. I'll ask later.) 

11. Where’s your favorite place you’ve been to this summer? My favorite place THIS summer was Murph's back. LOL The Fourth of July was great. If you take out the ex-factor. (Well, now ex.)

12. Which is your favorite Vh1, Vh1 Classic or MTV? CMT

13. What’s one thing that never fails to make you laugh? Maybe not laugh but, smile. The "rose" I got 2/21.

14. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever heard about having happened to one of your parents? Uhh... idk.

15. What was your favorite playground toy when you were a little kid? The merry-go-round and the swings. The merry-go-round when I was in preschool and the swings from, like, kindergarten to forever.

16. What was your favorite summer time toy when you were a kid? Uhhh.... no clue, really. The swingset, the pool, and my bike.

17. What was your favorite place to go when you were a kid? I loved going for walks with my gramma and Dallas (her dog) and I loved to go camping and to Seabreeze (local amusement/water park).

18. What was the name of your favorite childhood pet? I can't pick a favorite. Smokey, Tiger, Duchess, Dallas, Chyna, the fish whose name I cannot remember, Butterscotch.

19. What was one thing your parents have done over the years that just annoys you? My dad's nickname for me! Ugh! It so annoys me. I'll tell the story but you have to PROMISE not to EVER call me this or I'll ex-communicate you. Promise? Kay. When I was little, he'd call me Pumpkin and everyone would start calling me Pumpkin. He'd call me Sweetheart and everyone would start calling me Sweetheart. So one day, he called me Fred. Yes, Fred. It then became Fred-the-Monkey. And then Fred-the-Monkey-Butt-[insert last name here]. My shrink told him to stop after I complained to her but every now and then, he breaks it out again.

20. What’s the first pet you ever owned? Smokey. My cat.

Linkage

Destination: A Moment that is Mine.

How I got there:

Link in e-mail to Journal Jar!

Link in sidebar to Danielle's Journal Jar

Link in sidebar to Everybody knows...(private) (which I could have followed directly to Something New rather than the next two steps)

Link in sidebar to A 'Pickle' For Your Thoughts

Link in sidebar to The StupidSheet Guy

Link in sidebar to Something New

Link in sidebar to A Moment That is Mine

Somewhere in there I woundup at Better Than Kicking The Dog too but she didn't have any links to follow so I went back

Alternate path:

Link to The Journal Jar through already open Journal Jar

Link to Promise Me in sidebar (wait.... it's not there.... how did I get to Promise Me? I know I got there somehow...)

Link to A Moment That is Mine in sidebar

Either way, I'm either lazy, weird, or lame. Take your pick.

 

Click here to hear Rooftop. (This is mainly for me so I can listen to it. But feel free to listen too.)

Bugs and Prayers

I feel like my life mimics what I read is happening in your lives sometimes. I read it in your blog and it happens in mine. I read about Sara's operation get the moth and about Danielle's fall down the stairs and now, a moth flies at the screen and I flip. I got up and started shaking and what not to get the ickiness away. I paused for a moment to see if I would start crying or not. Instead, I started breathing rapidly (like you do when you're scared) and half-laughing. Of course, I call Lindz to get it out of my mind and to get reassured that it's just a moth, etc. She was asleep. So by now I'm full on laughing. Desperatly, in an attempt to do idk what. As Kurt Vonnegut said, "Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." So I choose desperate, hysterical laughter over desperate, hysterical tears. Quickly, I found another bug. I got Jason to take care of it. Then Joey found more. I was hysterical. Jay refused to kill 'em so I made him take them outside. Still haven't found the moth but the beetles are gone. I need a nice cup of tea and to go to bed.

Oh, and could you all pray for Keegan for me please? He's a guy in my class that I found out was hit by a car. He's lost his arm, which is horrible enough especially to someone this athleticly involved and he's in the hospital with internal injuries and kidney failure. They don't think he's going to make it. I've never been close to Keegan but, he is a great guy. He's our class president and he's a very enthusiastic person. Please just pray that God's will be done. If you don't pray, please send good, healing thoughts that way. Even if you never really talk to him, you can't help but like Keegan if he's in your class or whatnot. I'll keep you updated as I find out more. (Thanks for telling me, Jack.)

Love always,
Vickey

P.S. On a far less serious note, did you know you can change your font to something not in the selection? If AOL supports it in e-mail or IM or whatnot, you can have it in your journal. Go into HTML format and type <FONT face=Name>. Name should be the name of the font. Go back to Text format and type your entry. It should work. This entry is in Georgia, in case you were wondering.

::poor kitties::

Aging sucks. Smokey's dead. Tiger's dying. Spokey is crapping on the floor. A cold grave, the pain of dying, or incontinence?

:(

(Sorry for so many short slightly more nonsense entries lately. That's not how I write but, it's happening now so, either deal or go.)

AOL sucks

It left the comments but cleared my counter! I'm so POed! I had something like 4000 hits. Those hits symbolize all the love and support I've gotten here. Grrrrr....

Vickey

Another change around here

That's it! I'm sick of being private. Changing my URL and then going public. New URL is

http://journals.aol.com/hopelessBlondie/amomentthatismine

No caps except the "B" for Blondie. Unfortunatly, this will delete all your comments from while I was private. :( Why does AOL do that? Sadly, I have no choice if I want to go public again. So I'll scan the entries and then copy paste comments.

Vickey

Yay for...

Murph is my hero. He's a dork and I love him. But anyhow.....

Earlier he suggested chocolate ice cream but, we have none. So a quick look in the freezer produced Cherry Panda Paws!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for Murph's great idea! :-)

 

(Does anybody else catch the fact that I kinda sorta like Murph?) (This entry is so big to distract from the previous sentence. Sorry for any inconvience.)

20 Questions

1. What were your 4th of July plans?  To hang out with Lindz and meet up with my (now ex-)boyfriend.

2. What is your favorite fast food chain?  Is Subway fast food?

3. Have you ever stood up in someone's wedding.  (You know other then your own.)  Yes. At my mom's.

4. Do you believe in astrology,horoscopes or fortune tellers?  I take 'em with a grain of salt.

5. If you could only have one kind of softdrink,listen to one band/musican,and watch one stand up comic the rest of your life what would you pick? 

Soft drink? Mountain Dew Code Red

Band: Dixie Chicks

Tv show: General Hospital

Stand up Comic:Idk

6. What color do you think is the ugliest brides maid dress you've ever seen? Never seen actual bridesmaids dresses

7. What's the last thing you were bought that you were sorry you purchased? Probably something food related

 8. Do any of your pets have middle names?  Nope.

 9. Do you believe in aliens? Sorta

 10. Name one celebrity you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. No comment.

 11. What fellow bloggers would you most like to sit down and have a beer with? None. I don't like beer. 

12. What color are the sheets and comforter on your bed? Lavendar and deep purple.

13. If you were to run away and join the circus what act would you most like to perform? The acrobatics.

14. What turns you on most about another person when you're attracted to them? Confidence, uniqueness, nice eyes, a good smile, the way they smell

15. What turns you off about another person? Greasy hair, smelly breath

 16. If you had to use a pick up line on someone what would you say? I'd probably say something along the lines of "Cowboy, take me away". Not quite a pick up line but, oh well.

17. Where did your first kiss take place? It hasn't yet but, by the end of the summer, it sure will. :~)

18. What was the last gift you recieved? No clue.

19. What do you wear to sleep in? Depends on the night.

20. What's your favorite love song? I'm in love with any song a guy will sing to me and mean it but in general, Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban

A new name

Just changed my journal name. You should still get alerts. It's now called

A Moment That is Mine

(Note: Earlier I had named it A Moment For Me but, decided to forget it. A phrase is a phrase. Deal with it. But I had written this:

A moment that is mine was a nice name but I think it might be a copyright violation because it was straight out of the Britney Spears song about "I'm not a girl" or whatever. So new name, same girl.)

New new name, same girl.

This one's for you, sug. hehe ^_^

Just wanted to apologize that I'm so far behind in my journal reading. I have over two hundred alerts in my box to read. I'm so sorry. I'll get there evenutally, I promise! For now, must run and figure out what I'm doing now that I am SINGLE. That's right. I dumped Bryan. Anybody know of a cute, single, 15 to 18 year old guy that might want to hang out with a cute, single, 15 year old girl? hehe ^_^

Love always,
Vickey

Everything else I still had to post

Wednesday Night

This won't be on the lines at all but that's okay. I need to write, lines or not. I'm scared and I'm shaken up and I miss Smokey more than I have in a while. There was a bat. It flew in the attic window. I hid under my blanket. When it hid, I went downstairs. I'm sleeping on the loveseat b/c Joey got the couch. So I'm laying here and I want to feel safe and secure and I want Smokey purring atop my head and fuzz draped and, heck, I might even break out blankey if I were in the right time/place/space. But I'm not. I'm at Mom's with no fuzz, no blankey, a kitten who is too young to lie still long enough for me to fall asleep, a mother cat who is too busy pouncing on her kitten, and mere memories of Smokey. I miss my baby. Time to try to calm down and to gain a few precious hours of sleep before Samantha wakes up. I literally thought "Bat. Rabies. Shots. Hide! Tight. No spaces. Ahhh! Get it gone!" lol <~not really.

Good night,

Vickey

July 3

Friday was an, umm..., interesting day. We got up at 6am to leave for Dad's. Looooooong car ride. Get to Dad's Right as Dad was about to leave for court, Joey got in my face and I shoved him back. RIght into our glasstop coffee table. Joey starts stressing about how we're gonna be in so much trouble. He rushes to get Dad as I think "Crap. I'm gonna be grounded for a month." Dad freaks. Joey had a scrape on his arm and an ache in his back. Dad left and I planned to get in the shower. (It still hasn't happened.) Eventually, I start this work out from Seventeen magazine. Good thing I got distracted halfway through by a magazine. If I had finished it, I'd be in uberagony right now. Instead, the backs of my lower legs hurt (left more than right, in case you were wondering) from all the jumping. Around 7, Gramma picked us up to go to Aunt Donna's for the night. By 7:30, I was predicting a very long night! By 8, I was ready for bed but around 8:30 or 9, Rich and I started an intelligent conversation about physcological thrillers. 9:30-our conversation was interrupted. I was asleep by 11. Oh, read 4 chapters of Romans.

Saturday: Woken up at 7 something by Dad knocking on the door. Climbed into truck. Got back to Dad's and got ready. Becky was late. We drove out to Circle C and had an actual conversation.

Jake's party and the week after

June 27

Crisis at the moment: Samantha's having trouble passing waste. Basically, when baby ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Crisis over for now. Baby's asleep. Back to my saga.

By 6, Lindz, Colleen, and I were making our grand entrance. By 7, we were all waitin' on Murph. Rather than do this, I'll take the Murph approach to this party: go by person (and some events).

People

Dan: didn't see much of him. Attached to Samantha at the hip for most of the night.

Samantha: again, didn't see much of her. driven home by Murph. Said about 2 words to her (and vice versa) about our height (we're both on the short side)

Tim: aka Two-Toned Tim or Trippy. Murph's little brother. Pretty cool. Kinda cute. Seems very innocent. DIdn't talk to him much either. (No, I wasn't too anti-social.)

Alex: CUTE!! If he were single, I may well have snogged him. Great at DDR. Flirted with Lindz. Involved in the supernatural conversation.

Carrie: Flirted with Lindz all night long. Knew her stuff in the supernatural conversation.

Kate: didn't see much of her, I think. (Got her and Carrie confused a lot.) Was going to sleep there but didn't.

Murph: my hero! lol Inspired 2 poems in 1 night. (this is a big deal). Snogged Colleen for her birthday gift from me. Didn't snog Lindz for her birthday gift to Colleen. Got there later than most everyone else. Involved in, like, everything!

Rob: the storyteller of the night. entertained us all with a story about his utterly highness one night. Barely remembered who I was, loved certain events, wanted me to jump (I didn't). Involved in a lot.

Sean: (getting bored with this format...) (screw this. Sorry people. On to events...)

Events (in no *real* order)

Supernatural conversation: Alex, Carrie, Lindz, and I. Colleen, too, I think (for part of it). We talked about Wicca, spirits, ghosts, vampires, banshees, and other such things. Carrie really knew her stuff. Alex knew more than I thought he would. This lead to running #2...

Running #1: I just didn't see a point in standing there with nothing to say so I ran to the other side of the house. I came back soon enough.

Running #2: As we sat in the garage talking, I felt inspiration strike. I sat on the beanbag and began to write my first poem of the night. Jake sat down next to me. I was OK with that. His arm went around my waist and he leaned to see what I was writing. That is something you do not do. When I am writing poetry or songs, you don't see until I say you can. I shielded my work. Eventually, I pulled Colleen over and asked, "How do you think my boyfriend would feel about Jake's arm being around me?" Shortly after, I repeated the question to Murph who replied "Well, you were gonna [snog me] out of spite." I sat back and finished writing for the time being. After a moment, I shoved my purse at Colleen, told her to watch it, and ran. I was headed around the house but it was dark and I hate to be alone outside in a place I'm unfamiliar with in the dark. Instead, I ran to the steps. Shortly after, Murph ran over to me and sat next to me. We talked about Jake and Bryan and how I wasn't certain of anything. I said, "Right now, I'm not certain of anything except that you smell really good." So Murph wrapped his arms around my neck and I just completely relaxed and forgot about all the stress I was going through and breathed in his smell deeply. Right about then, Jake walked over and asked if he was interrupting. Well, yeah but I wasn't about to say that. I start babbling about what the third "forbidden" topic is (politics, religion, and what?). Eventually, Sean and Rob came over and Jake sat down next to me. I skootched (sp?) closer to Murph and rested my head on his shoulder. Once again, Jake misread my signs and put his arm around my lower back. Oh, and while I was babbling, I mentioned Bryan and let enough be said so Jake would know I still had a boyfriend. After some chit-chat, Murph stood up and told me to hop on his back. This is the next event...

Piggyback: I climbed onto Murph's back and he just kinda walked around. It was completely innocent and harmless but it put me in a really good mood. While I was on his back, Rob took my shoe off and was tickling my foot. So completely innocent, totally improved my state of mind, inspired two poems with one simple act. This lead to...

Poetry: As I sat on the couch, writing my second and third poems of the night, Rob looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. (This I was OK with because he was farther away than Jake had been and was merely trying to see what I was doing not trying to read every word.) He asked if I wanted to read one of his poems. So he brought it out and Colleen and I read it. It was amazing. Soon our next event occured...

Storytelling: Rob detailed basically what happened after Jake's last party that I was at. Lots of vodka, lots of marijuana (none of which came out until after the girls left.) I'll leave that story untold though. Basically, don't smoke lots of marijuana, drink lots of vodka, and expect to function well.

Knight: Murph swept me upside down, off my feet and I made some comment about how he must be my knight in shining armor because he'd just swept me off my feet. Idk. It was an off-hand comment but, it was memorable and yeah....

Roadside: Colleen, Sean, Rob, and I hung out by the road for a while. We just kinda stood there and talked. Colleen and I sat in the middle of the road. This is going to sound lame but, it was such a thrill! It's a busy road at day and at night there's a car every minute or so. Sitting in the middle of the road and not knowing when or if you'll have to move was thrilling. (If you're just joining us, yes, I am a good girl as evidenced by the fact that sitting in the middle of the road is a thrill.) Colleen soon got bored and decided to flash the cars. Rob loved the idea. So Colleen randomly flashes different cars. Some guys doubled back! They pulled over to the side and start saying, "You know you almost caused us to get into an accident." Nobody realized what they meant until they pulled away and asked for "one for the road".

Braless: This was a *fun* event. ::sarcasm:: Quite embarassing, actually. First, Colleen unhooks and pulls off my bra (shirt remained in place). I get it back on and Rob and Lindz pull it off. I go back inside and put it on in the bathroom. When I got out, Colleen took it off! I begged for it back. She refused. I begged Lindz to get it back. No luck. I begged Murph to get it for me. His response? (As my head is buried in his chest) "Vickey, it's a tit-bit nippy out. Breast you put a jacket on." *whack* right across his stomach and yell at Lindz to get me my sweater til I can get my bra back. Either Murph or Lindz flipped me upside down after Rob asked me to jump up and down. Joe's eyes were fixed at breast level. I got my bra back and went behind the shed to put it on. Colleen came to hold my sweater up in front of me. I warned anyone if they came back that I'd murder them. Nobody tried. But as I was fastening it (correction, as Colleen was fastening it for me), Carrie ran off followed by Lindz followed by Murph. Colleen took off and so did I. Pile. Later (like five minutes), I was sitting on the hood of Murph's car. Rob and Joe looked at me and go "Is it back on?" "Yeah." Then Joe says, "Ya know, they've actually got a nice shape." I wound up with my head in Murph's chest alot that night.

Jake's pity party: Jake was kind of depressed because of a billion reasons including that he felt Lindz and I hadn't spent enough time with him. We really hadn't said much to him but Jake gives off this vibe that pushes people away. Girls at least. If I had said yes any of the times he's aksed me out. I know he'd be clingy and obsessive and all over me. I get very uncomfortable when people act like that. So Jake was feeling sorry for himself and was depressed and talked to Alex about it. (See why Jake doesn't have access to this?)

Good-byes: Alex was laying on the ground, exhausted from DDR so I hugged him like that (I was not about to leave w/o hugging him.) I hugged Rob and Carrie. Oh, wait, no. She'd already left. I hugged other people, too. Murph pulled back in after dropping Carrie off and I hugged him (AGAIN!) and said thank you (AGAIN!). I hugged Jake. Oh, and because it was after 12, I slapped their arses. Alex stood up and walked over and I said I wanted a real hug. "No you don't. You just want to slap my ass." "No, I really want a hug... but now that you mention it... *smack*." (Did I mention he was cute?) By the time hugs and slaps and good-byes and thank yous were done, it was 12:18. My curfew was 12:00. Colleen was sleeping over and we decided Lindz would, too. So we went to her dad's for her cell charger and blanket and I dug out my key. When we got to Dad's, I prayed he'd be asleep and the door would be unlocked. He was dead asleep but the door was locked. I opened the door and grabbed Colleen's stuff off the couch while the girls scurried silently upstairs. SLeeping arrangements were decided and fixed. As I lay down at 1am, I wanted so desperatly to fall asleep. Every muscle in my body screamed SLEEP but after 6 hours of DDR, piggybacks, and other party-ness, my mind was wired. By 2am, I fell into an exhausted sleep.

Unfortunately, it is now a week later and the next week will be blogged vaguely, if at all.

Friday: Lindz and I hung out for hours and Mom picked Joey and I up.

Sunday: Made homemade ice cream "It was great."

Monday: Sami had poop problems.

Tuesday: I stepped on a bee. Ow.

Wednesday: Bat night. Called Bryan. Left message.

Thursday: Mom's tweezing my eyebrows, my foot still hurt from the bee sting. Preparation for court.

Last day of testing (June 22)

June twenty-something, the saturday one

 

Kay, so fast forward to Wednesday, the twenty-second. I get up far too early for my science exam. Blah. Exam. Afterwards, I ran into Lindz, Bryan, Jack, Sayid, and Russo. Said bye to Russo, see ya tonight to Jack and Sayid, and "Starbucks, baby!" to Lindz and Bryan. So onto Starbucks we went. (Note: for the entire day, I was wearing my hooker boots) Next, Hots. While Lindz was ordering and waiting for her usual (mozzerella sticks), I babbled to Bryan. At one point, I mentioned July 1 and how I couldn't wait for it. Of course, I said only enough to get him curious. It worked. He asked why and I explained about court and moving. "So does this mean I won't see you next year?" His exact words. I explained that nothing is worth staying here. I can't stay for my friends, for school, for anything. It's not worth a crappy home life. (My sister is throwing a fit as I write this. I wish I could help her but she's so tempermental today.) He looked *just a bit* disappointed. We wound up walking to my brother's school to pass time. We went to met Kyle at the high school. Clambering up the bleachers, Kyle sat in "my" seat. After squeezing him aside, I sat between them (Kyle and Lindz, that is). After some interesting conversation and some innocent flirting with Kyle (yes, Bryan is my bf and yes he was there), we went to the community center swings where I was soon to discover Bryan's incapacity for abstract thought. No "what is real" or "are we alive or dead" conversations with him. I love those conversations! Sayid, Kyle, whoever. I'll never have one with Bryan,I guess. So eventually, we go back to the high school and just hang til the buses get there. When my bus (finally) got there, Lindz and I got on and decided the last day of school deserved a signing of the backseats. not sure what she wrote but, I wrote "Jack+Sayid+Sawyer=1 messed uphigh school", something about class of '08 and freshman year rocked and "Neptune" with a heart around it (Neptuneis one of Lindz's nicknames). Lindz and I got back to Dad's and then went to my shrink appointment. (I changed my shoes.) Dad wrote it wrong on the calendar. It was at 2, not 3. :(<~not So we walk back and killed a bunch of time before youth group. Finally, John picked us up and we went to church for the first time in over two months. After Dillon's tangent(s) and all, I talked to Dillon and Cristen for a bit before heading out to love the summer sunset and wait for John. Before he left, JoeB hugged me. I felt very at peace with my soul. I knew exactly what I had to do about Bryan and about myself. I headed off to Jack's and was greeted by Jack and Sayid and the promises of torture and God-knows-what. For the next three hours, we made a fifteen minute movie. The episode of LOST "All Good Cowboys Have Daddy Issues". It was hilarious. We played "I never.." and the count raised to 32 times that I've spit out my drink. We had a wonderful time. By 2am, we were asleep in the basement. At some early hour, we were awoken to go crash upstairs. At 11, Sayid left and by 12, Jack and I were getting ready to go to Target. The next two hours were spent walking around Target and then to Christian's and back to Jack's. (Note: this is now Thursday but I'm not writing on SUnday and have been for a while.) Her mom drove me home and I hopped on the computer for a bit. RIght when Colleen got there, I got in the shower, By 5, I was still getting ready. By 6, Lindz, Colleen, and I were making our grand entrance. (I'll tell you about the party tomorrow. RIght now, beddy-bye.)

Way behind... from May

Approx. May 24

Bush is so annoying. He's a pain and he seems like he's trying to hard. Ugh! Anyhow, today is going all right for the most part. I woke up and got all my stuff done this morning (including moisturize my face which I didn't get to do yesterday) and I caught the bus. I ate my breakfast on the bus and joked around with Ronnie (excuse me, Ron). I saw Lindz and joked with her and Maggie until the bell. Saw Sayid for about 2 seconds and heard the Dixie Chicks on the morning video. All six of us solofest girls (or is it seven? Kristina, Juli, Sarah, Jules, Adri, myself... isn't there someone else? I coulda sworn...) got a song to work on together (Please Mr. Postman from 1961). I'm singing alto but soprano one and two are so close to the alto part that I can't hold my own. So that sucked. In German, we took the easiest quiz ever and did some other easy work. For Tom's birthday, we had cookie cake and were going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean but didn't have enough time. :( And I wanted to watch my favorite pirates (Orlando and Johnny). Next was math. Always fun. Mr. Stewart is the same age as Mom (but a few months younger). Science wasn't too bad. We did a lot with our partners. My partner isn't exactly a good student so I did it by myself and didn't allow him to copy it. He didn't even try to either. In choir we watched the news because President Bush came to a local high school and spoke about social security today. In lunch, Sayid and I had another interesting discussion that included Johnny Depp, Dom, towels, accents, Tybalt and a pregnancy, LOST, making plans, and if it's possible to post Sayid's play without getting TOSed. (Yesterday, we discussed the psychological fears that is typical of our discussions. Stuff like The Forgotten and I Am the Cheese and what is real and what if what you say is really what you think and vice versa and what if there are thought bubbles above your head.) In global, we watched more of Bush's speech and I began this. Now I'm in English. We've gone over the vocabulary and are still going over the quiz. We'll get out in a minute and then, I have study hall. I'll write more then...

From June 9-15

June 9

She's really gone. Forever. My baby's really gone. I just looked at my prayer list for the first time in months. I crossed her off. "Smokey's kidneys and weight to be gained" is now gone. She's been gone for three months today. How can I go every day without thinking about her? She meant the world to me. She was my everything. And I haven't thought about her in days. Hell, weeks. How can I forget her? How can I practically erase her existence? If I forget her, she's gone. She may not have even existed if I forget. How could I ever forget my baby? How can I spend my day swimming and tanning and not even once thinking about the single most influential feline in my life to date? How can I imply by not thinking about her that her life meant nothing? My God. Why am I like this? A crisis of faith sucks.

June 10
That was so fun! Let me start from the beginning. At 3:57 am (according to my clock), I awoke with a horrific bout of allergies. By 4:10, however, I was sleeping peacefully. My alarm jolted me out of an interesting dream at 6:20 but I promptly hit snooze and fell back to sleep. Every ten minutes, I clambered out of bed to trip on my sheet tangled around my legs and put off consciousness for another sixth of an hour. Around 6:38, I awoke to the ring of the telephone. Gramma wanted to see if I was awake. I assured her I was. After getting nearly ready, I called back and asked for a ride "because I have to bring my textbooks back today". I arrived at school and got Lindz right off the bat. (It's Slap-@$$-Friday.) She helped me with her locker (which hates me) and I put my heavy books in. Somehow, I'd twisted my knee. I hobbled off to class and went over the chromatic scale (do-di-re-ri-mi-fa-fi-sol-si-la-li-ti-do-ti-te-la-le-sol-se-fa-mi-me-re-ra-do). Then we got to learn the blues scale! So so fun! We went around and improvised twelve measures each of blues melody! Nerve-wracking but oh so fun! Then we had to sing an idea and then embellish it. I love blues. I was so self-conscious but I love it. Some of the girls were meant to sing blues. They jived perfectly and swung from note to note with breath-taking grace.

June 13

So now I'm worried-ish. That guy that I was totally flirting with Friday? Well, he likes me too. I totally like him and I'm totally happy. My voice is high and I giggle a lot. The last time I was like this was October, Jon. The last guy I let touch me in any way and feel comfortable with was Jon. Both Bryan and Jon rubbed my shoulders. Both got under my bra strap (one with ice and one with his hands). What if Bryan breaks my heart too? Do I take that risk or try to stay safe? How much do I risk for a guy I just met? His phone number (which he doesn't know I have) is sitting in my backpack. I've thought about him every day since Friday at least a dozen times or more. I hardly know Bryan but I want to get to know him better. I'm thinking about asking him out for coffee or something but what if we have nothing to talk about? Or what if Dad sees us and gives me crap? I don't mind being seen out with a guy but would it be considered a date? I'm not allowed on one-on-one dates and in a group I wouldn't get enough time to talk to him alone. Oh, and FYI: I met him around midterms but didn't know his name and didn't pursue anything because he didn't intrigue me much. Well, now, he intrigues me far more. I just don't know. Maybe I should just call the boy. What do you all thinking? Do I call him or not? Ask him for coffee? Summer's coming fast. Ooo! I'll see when his tests are and maybe get him to meet me at Hots or Starbucks between tests Thursday or before/after one of his (providing I can get a ride). So what do I do? I like him and I don't want to risk never seeing him again. But I am moving. Do I want to even consider starting something? Advice would be very helpful.

June 14

Y'all don't get me too much when I'm happy or when I'm bouncing off the walls but since I can't go scream and I can't talk and I can't smile enough, you get it all. Bryan, the guy I was telling you about, asked Lindz to ask me out. I said he has to ask me himself. So by day's end, I may have a boyfriend! *squee's for an hour* I really like him. But I might be spending the summer with Mom. What then? I can't go three months without seeing him. Ahhh! I'm so nervous/anxious/excited/petrified. My knees are jelly and my stomach is resonant with the sound of a billion butterflies. Eeeee! Jack thinks he's hot. She said if I didn't ask him out myself, she would (as in to date her). Looks like my problems may be solved. He's not getting access to this for a while though. I don't want him knowing my every thought just yet. Oh, did I mentionI saw him before my first five classes? He walked out of his way with me to my locker before fifth. And he walked me to voice. He came to science and math and walked with me. Eeeeeeeeee! Too giddy/happy/girlish to write more. I can't believe this. Oh, and... Never mind. I never told y'all about that dream. Maybe later... <3 Love always

6/15

Bryan just asked me out. I said yes. Now I think I regret it. I feel like it's going to mean a redefinition of who I am. I've just gone through a phase of serious depression in which I lost my faith (toward the end) and my definition of who I am for the most part. I need to figure out who I am before I date someone. I need to figure this out soon and fix it before it's too late. I loved flirting with him and yesterday, I was thrilled at the prospect. Now, I'm not. Now, I just need to feel free. I feel as though saying yes bound me to something that I don't want. I feel sick. What do I do? I need to explain this to him but how do I? All of a sudden, I don't know anything. I'm so completely awkward around guys. I'm more likely to flirt and feel completely comfortable than to seriously pursue someone. Question: How will I ever get married if I never have a boyfriend? Perhaps I'm meant to just live in my novels and not date. I really need to reconnect with my faith. I haven't had the desire to do anything God-related in a while but now I do. It's Wednesday! Ooo! I'll see if Lindz wants to go to youth group. I really need to go. Since the Day of Silence, I have not gone. I need to hear one of Dillon's lectures tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So for now, I'm still dating Bryan. More in a bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trying to hide this from everyone. Sitting at Linear Park off to the side. My back hurts and this rock/seat is hard. How did my last day of classes go? I nearly cried in voice. Everyone sang Alma del Core and Out Here On My Own together. *tears* Before German, Bryan asked me out. Not sure how I feel about the fact that I said yes. Math was next. More nearly tears. Science. Bomb threat. (Must stop for now. Serious risk of being read.)

Dashing out the door

Oh, dear. I just wrote one word down here and it's quickly becoming a poem! Ahhh! Kay, so, uh.... my day looks like this:

One looooooooooong ass car ride to pick up Lindz
One looooooooooong ass car ride back
Hours of fun at Ali's graduation party
Taking over Lindsay's computer while she crashes
Crashing

Looks fun, huh? Well, Lindz is off at Circle C (where I should have gone but at the time I was in a crisis of faith and didn't care about God at all and didn't think Dad would even pay for it so what was the point in asking but now I wish I had) and Becky (her mom) and I are going to pick her up. The downside of this is that my stomach doesn't like long car rides. Just thinking about it is making my stomach tied up into knots and my head begin to spin. Speaking of spinning, ya know that feeling when you're done going around in circles and your head is still spinning? Does that make you sick? Well, if not, you're weird or Samantha (lol). Well, it makes me sick and I've felt it for a few days now, off and on. Ohhh... yesterday, I was sitting there on the front step and all of a sudden this guy pops out of no where (kay, so he was walking along and he came out from behind a bush) and I just kinda stared at him for a minute then he goes "Hi. How are you?" "Good. You?" "Fine." Seven words. And I thought about it all night. (Do you SEE why Bryan's not gonna have access to this? Along with any other guy I go out with while this is private...) Time to head out. Wish me luck surviving the car ride! Hopefully, I'll be back on tonight.

Vickey

Quickly now...

Changing my journal's name to "A Moment That Is Mine" or "Caught in the Middle" or ummm... what was it? Well, no matter. Which do you like better? I can't really decide but, bear in mind, the final choice is still mine. I've got a TON of entries to type up but, I'll get to 'em soon enough. Time for lunch. Oh, and uh... dreaming about Antonio Banderas, Johnny Deep, and other hot male celebrities is not a bad thing if you ask me! Especially when you dream that you hug most of them and kiss one of them... *sigh* Off to eat lunch and remember a very good dream. (And yes, kissing IS as far as it went. Besides giggles. Tons of giggles. On my part. Not Antonio's. hehehehe ^_^)