:(

Unfortunatly, this is kind of a downer. Up next entry though, a serious upper. For me anyhow....

My father does not know anything about me. He cannot possibly know anything because he is a flipping jerk. I wish he would just die. He should stop speaking about my mother that way. It is irreprehensible the way he is behaving. My mother is fine and he is the pain. Nobody seems to understand the way things truly are. It's a billion little things that add up to me hating him. It's a billion little things (none of which include the "lies" and "manipulations" my mother has concocted because there are NONE) that add up to me wanting to move! My father is a hypocritical jerk and I wish he'd shut up. It is MY LIFE AND NOT HIS! Mine to mess up and mine to escape. It has absolutely nothing to do with him. I wish he'd quit the martyrdom because I don't care. He fooled everyone into thinking he was a fine father and that I'm not being abused in any way, shape, or form because he's "God's gift to the world" but guess what? He's the Devil's torture to me. He's Hell on earth. This world is awful enough: do I really need him?
I've just made a decision and I'm very sorry that I must make this decision. I'm going private. Please, leave me a comment if you want to be allowed to continue reading this. I will be keeping my other private journal and the things in each journal will be different just as they are now. I will either create another journal to keep the Weekend Assignment and Saturday Six and Sunday Brunch and such in or I will use Journal Jar and More! to keep those activites in. I can no longer live with the fears of my father finding my journal and using it against me. He already seems to know things that he shouldn't. I regret having to make this decision and I hope that at some point in the near future, I can go back to being public. Perhaps there is a way around this. Perhaps I will merely change what I write where. I do NOT want to go private and I feel as though I am being forced. If anyone has a solution other than ensuring my privacy with AOL's controls, please let me know. And please do not tell me to speak to my father because that's a) impossible because he's a stubborn pigheaded sexist and does not listen and b) I cannot speak to him without blowing up. There is a reason my parents marriage did not work and part of that reason is that they are both stubborn and have bad tempers at times. I've inherited both their tempers (especially my mother's towards my father) and their stubbornness. I cannot deal with this any longer. May the lord help me keep strength through this that is my life. And may He help it change quickly.

Vickey