I've renewed my stuggle with self-injury. It sucks and it's so hard but
I wrote about this in my LJ (the J that most of my friends read if they
read one) and they were so supportive! They started out saying stuff
like "Just stop! Don't do this to yourself!" and whatnot but then I
really went into it and explained it's not that simple. And it isn't.
Anyone that's been where I am can tell you that. I've never cut myself
but I have scratched myself numerous times with my nails. I finally cut
them off. It's a lot harder to hurt yourself when your main mode of
doing so is gone. And I don't want to find another way to. I want to
stop wanting to. If you want to see what I wrote in my LJ, here are
links to the entries I've written so far about it.
One
Two
Three
Four
And I will keep y'all posted but I think this drama will mainly be
contained to that journal. Last year at this time, I relied on this
journal and you all to support me. Now, I need to rely on the people I
see every day. The ones that can check and make sure. The ones I can
pick up the phone and call to be distracted. Thank you for helping me
through the past year. It was a really tough time and I know that at
that time what I needed was just to know somebody cared. And the
comments I got really pulled me through. But what I need this time is
the girls I see every day to make sure I haven't done anything and the
girls I can call up if I need to be distracted because when I'm mad, I
can't write. My words bubble up and choke me and come out in angry
horrid statements that are so far beneath what I need to express.
Things like "I HATE HIM! I'D BE SO MUCH BETTER OFF AT MOM'S! I'M
RUNNING AWAY! I CAN'T STAND TO BE HERE ONE MORE NIGHT!" Okay, I totally
have to go now. I would keep writing but I have a memorial concert to
get ready for.
Vickey
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2 comments:
Hello........You seem to be a really sweet person......I hope you get better and better. The world needs you around. Stick around the world.......God bless you
Mylady... so why oh why did I chose here to begin catching up on what's up with you? Such maturity in your post... knowing you need to seek the support of those nearest... so true! Thank the Creator you let us into your world last year, I'm honored to have been there. You are a most excellent person and have much to give to this world.
Keep that phone handy and USE IT! But keep us long distance friends posted. May not be here in person... may not comment often... but am thinkin and prayin... and rootin for you Mylady Victoria.
Be well... laugh often... play hard
Michael
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