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July 7-2:39AM On July Fourth, Lindz and I planned to go to see the band that always plays here before the fireworks then wtch the fireworks and come home. After waking at noon and cleaning/organizing (to earn some money), Lindz and I decided to use her pool for it's intended purpose rather than its use of late (swimming vs. cleaning) but wound up cleaning before anyhow. I had talked to Mom the night before and she mentioned Bryan had called. [Note: I was still dating him at this point.] I called him and we planned to met up sometimes at the concert. Around seven, Lindz and I got out, showered, and started to get ready. My shirt was moving a bit too freely so I used double-sided tape to fasten my bra and shirt together. Lindz asked me while I was fixing my make-up if I was doing this for me or not. I must confess, no guy had entered my ind as sufficent reason to do all the preparation I was doing. Walking into the celebration, I was loving life and myself and totally felt wonderful. (I have this one lip gloss I only wear in really good moods. I wore it all night long.) Somewhere along the way, Lindz and Vickey became Lindz, Maggie, Bryan, Mandy, and Vickey. For some reason, I was all over Maggie. (I'm the gayest straight girl you'll ever meet, as Sayid said.) We ran into Colleen and she said "Murph is here." (What? He's here?) and at that moment this lunatic runs up and says "But nobody knows where." Immediate peals of "Murph!" "What are you doing here?" (What were you doing there, sug?) [Note: That's a useless question since I asked him not to read this blog anymore.] and "Ugh. What? No hug?" Maggie, Bryan, and I walked around to find Meg. The order of each event is kind of jumpled so, another list of random things I remember. 1) We all found Kyle N and he wound up joking around with, oh, idk, everyone about screwing them. At one point he kissed my neck. It took me a second to realize it. lol I agree with Colleen though. She said at Jack's party that she loves guys kissing her neck. Agreed. *sigh* 2) Waiting for Lindz's (non-alcoholic) strawberry daquiri (sp?), I (once again) owund up on Murph's back. Tom (my ex-crush from youth group) walked by and I yelled hi while on Murph's back. Cuz a "nice Christian boy" isn't gonna see anything wrong or sexual in that. *rolls eyes* 3)Our little "fests" (Ya know, writing this down and knowing people will read it makes me realize how wrongly it could be taken. Do I share tmi with y'all?) Gropefest:squeezing boobs and feeling chests. Lead to... lick fest: licking chests, faces, and necks. Oh, and Lindz licked my stomach. Gropefest again.   It was really funny and really fun. Bryan kinda stayed out of it. Maggie, Mandy, Murph, Lindz, and I sure didn't. 4) Waiting for sno-cones after finding out that Murph likes me (and after Lindz told him I like him. Thanks, hun.) I decided to put my money in my bra. I was in mid-sentence and I put it it and saw Murph, Bryan, and the adolescent boys at the booth follow my hands with their eyes. Next, my sno-cone spills on my other boo! More stares as I wipe it away. We wound our way over to the fried dough (fyi: this is post-fireworks) after saying good-bye to Murph (and getting his cell #). [*stops typing for a few to dance/sing to Katrina Elam's I Want A Cowboy*] Standing nearly to the window, Lindz (by this time it's down to Lindz, Mandy, Bryan, and I) says "he really likes you". *eyes widen* "I know". But wrong time for her to've opened her mouth. Bryan was listening. Opps! (Meanwhile, I'd been telling ppl all night that by the time summer's over, I'll probably have... nvm. He can read this now. *blushes* Don't worry, Mom. Nothing like what you did at 15.) [Now that he's not supposed to read this.... I was telling every one that before the summer was over, I wanted to kiss him. I didn't.] We soon said hello to Bryan's family. He got so embarassed. They raelly weren't embarassing. After getting fried dough, we said good-bye to Mandy (whose mom wanted to know who Bryan was and asked before we were out of earshot). Nibbling on buttery fried dough, we made our way to find Becky but not before passing a half-naked couple involved in who-knows-what. Bye, Bryan. Hi, Becky. Walked to the car and went to McDonald's. Lindz got a chocolate milkshake, I got a strawberry one, and Becky got a coke. When we got back, we pretty much went to sleep. Speaking of which, at 3:29am, I think I'll try (again) to find the Land of Nod. *sigh* Off to think of kisses on my neck and electrical tape roses... hehe ^_^ Love always, Vickey   July 7-11:24PM   On July 5, I met Jake for coffee. Lindz and Dad went to Wal-Mart while I went to talk to Jake. I went in with a sense of dread and worry. I ordered a "blended iced mocha coffee" and flirted with the dude behind the counter (the casherver, according to Lindz) a little. Jake came out of the bathroom and my drink was up. We sat down and he tried to  pull out my chair for me. "I got it." I returned the movie Dad borrowed months ago from him. So we started talking about our Independence Day celebrations (sorry but I left out a lot of detail including umm.... most of the night and the fact that I ran into Murph and was flirting all night) and then I started to talk about why I wanted to met him but couldn't find the words so we started talking about movies. Eventually, I started explaining my reasons. Apparently I didn't do a very good job of it b/c I don't think he gets that I think of him as a friend and that he makes me uncomfortable when he puts his arm around me (hell, when he gets near me at all).   July 9-9:14PM
Smokey has been gone four months. That's all I'll say on that subject tonight.   To all you single mothers/fathers/child care professionals/SAHM/SAHD(ads)/etc.: God bless you. I've been taking care of Sami for about four hours and I'm agitated, frustrated, and thanking God she's a) going to bed now and b) laying down with Joey and not me and that by midnight or so, I get let off the hook. Mom and Ray are at a ZZ Top concert at Tag's. I have no real clue when they'll be bck but I'm waiting up. I have to keep an ear out for Sami so I'm staying up til they get in. Whoop. That's her. Kay, she's laying on Joey, rocking. This is gonna be a long night. We played outside and she played in the tub. By 8:40, I decided it was bedtime. She was throwing a fit and that means she's tired.   12:15am-When I stopped writing, I took her and within 45 minutes, she was asleep. On top of me. For the next hour and a half, I was pinned. Now, I'm exhausted. God bless you who do this regularly.   July 14   At the pool at Kirsten's. Don't feel confident at all today in my bikini. Spending my day on the lounge chair, reading, writing, thinking, and swimming every 20 pages or so when I get too hot. Back to Ashes to Ashes by Tami Hoag now.   July 17   I got burned that day at the pool. Here's something you don't know about me: I can be painfully shy. I can be so so shy sometimes. Like now. I want to go to sleep but my aunt is asleep on the couch. I tried to wake her up but I don't want to be a pain. Maybe it's not shyness in this case. It's a fear of being thought.... idk what. A pain. But I'd only be asserting who I am and what I need. I need a plce to sleep. She's in it. It's the same reason I don't eat here or at Mom's at times. Like, I eat meals but not snacks even ifI'm hungry. I can get very meek and want to blend into the background, try to be "the good child" in comparision to Jeff, Jay, Joey, and Nikki. Well, I'm not overcoming this tonight so I'm going to finish my Bible reading for the night or read some of Ashes to Ashes (prolly the latter since I've already read more of th Bible than I normally would), do my 25 more crunches, and find a way to sleep. Joy.   July 22   I feel quite bold today. Typically, when I see a cute guy, I look for a sec and look away. Any eye contact and I immediatly break it. A truckload (literally) of hot guys drove past and I craned my neck to look. (They were looking right back.) A cute guy walked past while I was on a ride. I caught his eyes and held it til he had to turn and watch where he was going. Oh, yeah. I'm with Lindz, Tiff, and John camping. We got here around 3 or 4 and set up. We ate lunch/dinner and changed. By 5:30, we were in the park. Rode a buncha rides. Got some food. Watched the laser show after a quick call from Nick. Oh, Lindz and Tiff rode the slingshot. Light show, here, walked to the bathroom by myself and nearly couldn't find the campsite on the way back. My writing sucks tonight. Sorry. Bible, Potter, bed. Love ya.   July 24   If I ever even think about stripping my bed and washing all my sheets, shoot me. I'll only get aggrivated and reduced to tears. Lindz, come fix my bed please. You're anal aout yours and I'm anal about fuzz. Dad didn't fold fuzz right and it's irritating me. Poor nights sleep ahead of me. Bible, Potter, bed.   I was Daddy's Little Girl. Some part of me always will be. And part of me is returning to there. I used to hear this song and want to barf beause I "hate"d him so much. Now I hear it and wish I were seven again and Daddy's Little Girl. I think it killed my parents when they went from Mommy and Daddy to Mom and Dad. Daddy changed slower though. Is it prdie that's keeping me from how I (sometimes) want to act? To be sweet and innocent and Daddy's Little Girl? To call him "Daddy" instead of the "Father" I whip out when I'm especially pissed? Damn pride. I have a business call to make tomorrow (to my lawyer) so I need some rest. Good night, y'all. Vickey