Catchin' y'all up

June 9
She's really gone. Forever. My baby's really gone. I just looked at my prayer list for the first time in months. I crossed her off. "Smokey's kidneys and weight to be gained" is now gone. She's been gone for three months today. How can I go every day without thinking about her?
She meant the world to me. She was my everything. And I haven't thought about her in days. Hell, weeks. How can I forget her? How can I practically erase her existence? If I forget her, she's gone. She may not have even existed if I forget.
How could I ever forget my baby? How can I spend my day swimming and tanning and not even once thinking about the single most influencial feline in my life to date? How can I imply by not thinking about her that her life meant nothing? My God. Why am I like this? A crisis of faith sucks.