a friday night rambling

It's the end of my first week of school and I'm exhausted. I so want to go to bed. But I have to unpack first and I'd like to write a decent entry first. Tomorrow, I'll be posting things I've written throughout the week. Sunday is 9/11 and I think I'm going to recount how I found out and whatnot. If not, I'll do something (find some lyric or some picture to post) as a remembrance. Just so you know, I typically don't do stuff like that. I mean, I haven't mentioned Hurricane Katrina once and it's not because I don't care because I do. It's because it doesn't seem real. When I read a book, I understand it but, I don't see it in my head. When I do, it's blurry or there are details missing or skewd. When I read or hear about tragedies like Hurricane Katrina, 9/11/01, or the Tsunami, I don't cry about it. I don't feel impacted by it. I don't think of it as real. It's odd. Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm not compassionate or not supportive or patriotic or whatever you want to say but that's me. I know it must suck to be in New Orleans but I can't imagine the destruction. I can't get upset or stressed about it in any way except that which impacts my life and that's the gas prices. That's impacting me and that I've cried over. Not the gas prices immediately, obviously but the fact that because of them I can't see Mom, Sami, Zuri, or Ray for two months straight and only every other month after that. Maybe it's because I'm young and selfish. Maybe it's because I'm bitter or whatever. Maybe it's a million things but, whatever it is because of it's my reaction. So when I don't write about things like the attack on the London subway system or the hurricane or whathaveyou, it's not because I don't care. It's because it doesn't seem real. And if it did seem real and I cared so much about each tragedy, I don't know how I'd be able to go on with life. It would seem too hopeless and too bleak. Life wouldn't seem worth it and if life seems not worth it, God only knows what I'd do. Because who wants to grow up in a world that seems hopeless? That's why I believe in happy endings. They get me through past the evil witch and the goblins to my happily ever after. So if I do something for 9/11, it's the exception, not the rule. I'm far more likely to respond to something in my own life (like a friend's possible pregnancy [note: if you're smart and you're reading this you will not respond to it in a comment] or my parent's most recent fighting) than I am to respond to something that's going to have an impact on the world as a whole no matter which will impact me more in the long run. I hope I've explained this well enough. If you've got any questions about it, please ask them. I'll do my best to answer. (This is really important that I get you to understand. I don't know why but it is. So please ask if you don't!) For now, I'm gonna go unpack, take a bath (depending on how the tub looks), and then I'm going to bed early tonight! Eye doctor appointment tomorrow. I get new contacts and hopefully new glasses (mine are two years old and not only out of style, not only do I hate them, but they're the wrong prescribtion).

Vickey