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I know this is gonna sound like I'm totally whining (very anti-FLYing) and that I'm just being a little brat but, I am upset about this. Well, upset is too strong a word. I'm irked. That works. I absolutely love turkey pot pies. I made one for my dinner. I had it balancing on one (oven-mitted) hand and was adjusting the cookie sheet with the other. Now, I can do this easily. But today, it slipped out of my hand and fell (right-side up) on the kitchen floor. Half of it spilled out and I nearly cried. :( But I'm not PMS and thus, I didn't. Emotional I am but not THAT emotional. So I'm peeved because I only got to eat half of what I wanted in one of my favorite (easy) dinners.   :( I'll get over it. Guess I'd better go search the leftovers. Just thought y'all would like to know this. Oh, and I've decided that I'm WAY too concerned about calories and healthiness these days. I'd like to go back to the way I was, thank you very much. I may not eat as healthy as I could and I don't excercise as much as possible but I surely don't need the makings of anorexia running around in my head. I am a healthy, teenage girl. I can afford to eat a pot pie for dinner and junk food for lunch. I should excercise more but NOT because I'm stressing about my figure. I should be excercising more so I can be healthy and have less cramps and feel good about myself (because of all those endorphins). I'm trying to ward off anorexia. I fear that if I don't watch these thoughts, I may wind up not eating or excercising too much. I also feel that I'm too strong, too smart to start that. I want to just go back to how I was two or three weeks ago. How did this all come up so fast? How do I keep what I fear more than (almost) anything from happening? This feels harder to ward off than cutting. That I could find a way to ward off. This is more mental than physical. Mental is harder for me to ward off than physical. Any of you got suggestions? Better go do my homework and ponder these thoughts. Chips and dip anyone? One of my favorite snacks. We've got the makings of it & have had them for the past two weeks but I haven't even eaten one. I know that I'll eat too many and feel fat and I didn't want to have that guilt hanging over my head from eating way too many (fattening) chips. Ugh. Something is seriously wrong with my mental state. Must do research on this. See if there's a way to avoid this.

Forever and for always,
Victoria

P.S. I really feel like deleting this entry but I don't make a habit of doing that. It's only five minutes later. I'm going to go be "bad" (must STOP thinking of it that way) and eat some of those "fattening" foods. I'm perfectly healthy. Hell, if I am 5' 2" like I say I am, I'm considered underweight. If I am the 5' 1" or 5' 0" that I'm closer to, than I'm perfectly healthy. (This is according to my BMI.)