Well, when I got out of the shower, I was told dinner was ready. I wasn't planning on eating. I got my stuff packed and got dressed. From before I got in the shower until the time I left, I had "Movin' On" by Rascal Flatts playing. Loudly. If you've never heard it, it's a pretty sad song. My favorite line for the night was "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong". It fits for the night. I ate about 1/2 a cup of pasta, eventually. Got in the car and drove to Lindz's dad's. My father told me he wanted me to see my school counselor. That counselor is obligated to tell my parents if I tell her I'm going to/have hurt myself, hurt someone else, or if someone says they are going to hurt me. My whole reason for a counselor is that I want to cut myself. She'd have to tell Dad and I don't want him to know this. Eventually, I'll tell him but right now, Mom, who knows everything doesn't know about this (the only other thing that I haven't told her is the whole Jon situation). I'm going to tell her soon though, I think. But I digress (I have wanted to say that for the longest time and haven't gotten a chance. Now, I found one!). Well, I told Dad that I am not going to see Mrs. Lynch. I am going to see a counselor out of school because "she can tell you and I don't want you to know". Well, I know the policy but, he doesn't. BTW: I don't think the counselor Lindz recommended will work either. It's just a feeling though, as Dad hasn't called yet to set me up an appointment. I think he found this journal. If so, hi, Dad. Yes, this is what I really think and what I really feel. Deal with it or go away. I'm not explaining myself to you at the moment. I write for me, not you or anyone else. If not, yay! I'm not screwed! If I am, expect far less updates and zero words even close to swearing. He's planning to put a timer on this. But, I digress again. (hehe ^_^ I got to use it again!) Well, when I got to Lindz's Dad's, I peeked in her room and saw she was asleep. I asked if I could use the computer (was planning to type something up and send it to myself so I could put it in here later but wound up just writing it in here instead). Got on, checked e-mail, and wrote here. Eventually left there and came to Lindz's Mom's where I spun around (see, MM, I'm takin your advice? Lots of H2O and movement. brb
hi everyone this is lindsay yes the famous one.. well at least in this journal any how... well vickey is at my house and right now she is in the bath room.... oh and i did a bad thing so yeah V_V; well shes over my shoulder right now... so yeah hehe
I'm back. She won't tell me what that "bad thing" is but, I have my suspicions. Well, nothing really has happened for the rest of the night but, I'll update tomara with how I dealt with Lindz (lol). Arrivederci and sweet dreams to all. Oh, crap! I have homework! Wish me luck....
Love always,
Vickey
1 comment:
Hello. Quite an entry I’d say. Lots to get out. If your dad is reading this then he should let you keep on writing as it is a place for you to express how you feel and make some connections to the outside world. Plus it will provide him with some insights, painful as they may be. I truly believe he loves and cares about you but is struggling with how to express that and keep his little girl safe (sorry but one of the probs with parent child relationships at this point is we parents get kinda stuck on seeing our kids …. Well… as kids…[this is just my opinion by the way])
That song by Rascall Flatts seems to speak for a lot of teens I can think of who are really feeling the pull to get out of the home and feel the wings of independence. Hope you find someone nearby you can trust to talk to and share with. Also hope you can find the comfort level and courage to share everything with mom .. and eventually dad. But it’s a scary thing to do and NO ONE wants fights and big scenes with everyone yelling and blaming. That su** all round in my book. But keeping secrets is hard as well and only makes one feel more isolated from those that love us the most.
Hope my advice is helping. It’s been good for me and other’s I’ve talked with. Hope Lindz wasn’t too bad of a gurl while she was in your account. Oh by the way … wish you luck… get that there homework done and outa the way. Feels good doesn’t it, to get it done with? OK gotta go. Praying you are well. I sure have made tons of comments in your journal today. Whew! Hope you’re not sick o me. Toodles
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