Empty?/dreams

Feeling: Empty

I had a dream a few nights ago. I won't bore you with the details as I don't remember most of them. But I dreamt about that guy again. This time, we kissed. My first kiss ever. A night or two before that (I think), I had a dream about being pregnant. When I woke up, I felt oddly empty both days. Like how after I accepted Christ, I felt like my life had been before. I still feel that way. I can be fine until the moment I recall that dream. Then, I feel empty. I don't know if it's because I haven't had that kiss or if that kiss will make me feel that way. Either way, it was a pretty good kiss (regardless of my lack of real experience). I felt empty while I dreamt of being with child, too. Even more soon in that dream, actually. I felt like nobody listened to me. I was practically invisible. Didn't feel any contractions but was told my baby was about to be born. I was seven months along but knew my child would be alright. This other woman had severe contractions and was in awful pain but they didn't help her. I asked for an epidural and was made to pick out this thing that looked like a bobbin (for a sewing machine). I choose a brilliant blue one. They had black and some other colors, too. They proceded to tell me that it was an epidural and it was ... how do I put this delicatly... put somewhere it didn't belong. They said because I was allergic to bees (I am), I couldn't have an epidural so they gave me a spinal tap. But it was a huge needle in y gut that pierced the baby. They called my baby Joshua or Justin but I hadn't been told if it was a boy or girl & hadn't picked out names. Lindz and a character from GH (Elizabeth, a nurse) carried me by my arms and feet into the other room. Dream ended. Odd, huh?

Onto the next entry. Sorry bout all these.

Love always,
Vickey