Two letters to moi

Firstly, that e-mail I sent to Gail was in response to her e-mail to me. I feel I should include it so I won't loose it. Here it is.

    For months now, I've wanted a chance to talk to you, alone.  Your father and I have been dating for quite awhile and I'm not sure how you feel about that.  If you knew me better, you'd know why that matters to me, so if you have a few minutes, I'd like to tell you a little more about myself and my kids and why I care what you think.    As you know, I have two great kids of my own.  I quit work and stayed home to raise them.  We had a ton of fun and got along great.  I enjoyed my kids even more when they were teenagers and that may sound strange to some parents because teens, in general, are known for being a little more difficult, moody and unwilling to listen or talk to their parents.  I, myself, had very strict parents and spent years 14-18 locked in my bedroom to avoid them.  I didn't want that to happen with my kids.  I wanted to always be close to them and make them feel comfortable enough to tell me everything, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I was lucky because they always did.  I got to know their friends and we're all still very close.  Three of Kayla's high school friends worked for me at the diner.  Lisa was the first to get married last May.  That's the wedding your father and I went to.        I divorced my husband three years ago.  I waited until my kids were older because I thought the older they were, the easier it would be for them.  It wasn't.  They still hurt over it.  All kids do.  When the dream of having a family falls apart, it hurts everyone, no matter who's fault, no matter the ages or the circumstances.  I left because my ex had a terrible temper.  Kayla saw it once, but Tadd never did, so he still doesn't know.  There's no reason to tell him, so we never talk about it.  What does matter is that our family is split and we're all trying to make the best of it.  My kids are fairly close with their father.  I want them to have whatever relationship they can with him even though I don't think he's the best influence on them.  And his temper was never directed towards our kids, so I feel they're safe enough.     I'm not telling you all this because I want sympathy.  Life's tough for everyone and all we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep on going.  In my mind, anyone who keeps feeling sorry for themselves or dwells on the past overmuch is going to make their lives harder and unhappy.  Happiness, I learned, is within ourselves.      Anyway, last August my ex got remarried.  It happened pretty quickly and my kids reluctantly went to the wedding.  I had met his new wife once, years ago, and she's a little dumb, not real pretty, but a nice person.  My kids don't like her.  They have no reason not to since she's never done anything to hurt them.  They just don't like who she represents...the woman who took their mother's place in their father's heart.  Now, whenever their father breaks a promise to them, they blame Maria.  Whenever he gets mad or isn't there for them when they need him, it's Maria's fault.  It's never their father's fault.  That's not true, but that's how they see it.  I feel sorry for Maria because she's tried to be friends with my kids, but I also understand that my kids didn't have much time to know Maria before she became their stepmother and right now, they just don't want to like her, so that's the way it is.     Your father and I have taken our relationship slowly for your sake, Joey's and for my kids.  We figured it would help the situation so much more if we gave everyone time to know each other, including ourselves.  My kids like your father a lot.  They see and hear how well he treats me, so they approve of him.  Although now that they're father is remarried, I think they worry about me being alone and would approve of anyone who made me happy.     I know you have a ton of other stuff you're dealing with right now, more important stuff than trying to get to know me or accept me.  I also know the last thing youneed is some woman pushing herself into your family and into your life.  And I don't ever want to be Maria, not to you or anyone else.  I told your father some time ago if you or Joey didn't like me, then I was outta here and I meant it.  For me, your feelings and Joey's are more important than mine or your father's.  As I said, life's tough enough, so I will not make it harder for you.     Honestly, Vickey, I like your father a lot.  I dated a lot of men after my divorce, but he's the first person I've cared about.  I don't know where it's headed, but neither of us are in any hurry to get there.  We want to give everyone time to know each other...at their own pace.  That's why I need you to promise me something.  If right now or at any time at all in the future you're unhappy or uncomfortable with me or my relationship with your Dad, please speak up.  Your feelings are very important.  And don't worry about hurting my feelings because it would kill me if I thought that my presence was hurting you or Joey in any way and no one told me about it.     I won't be coming to your Christmas Party tomorrow, but I will be stopping over for awhile afterwards to give you my gifts.  And if you don't like them, tell me that, too, okay?  I've got receipts and can exchange them for something else.       I'm sorry this is so winded.  Thanks for listening to me.  Have a wonderful Christmas and I hope the New Year brings you all the fun and happiness in the world...gail   She just sent me a reply to my e-mail. Here is that.       Thank you for your honesty, Vickey.  And thank you for spitting at your dad when he was with that other woman!!       Christmas is for family and family traditions.  Next to the religious aspects, that's the most important concept of the holiday.  As it should be.  I spend every Christmas day with my kids and my family.  I spend Christmas Eve alone now because my kids are with their dad and his family.  That's hard for me, so your father invited me to your family party.  It didn't feel right to me this year, either, so I was happy just to come over afterwards and I thank you for that.  And we all had a good time at your house today.  It's awkward right now, I know, but I thank you so much for letting us come over.      Kayla has another year of college before becoming a teacher and she's living with Greg, who I don't really care for.  He's a nice guy, but he's definitely not her "knight on the white horse".  She sells herself short because her friends all have boyfriends and that makes her feel more needy for one.  I know it may not seem this way, but she doesn't realize how pretty and fun she is and that she deserves someone better. Tadd's quieter and less social, but he IS the knight on the white horse, maybe not right now because he got himself into some trouble after our divorce and he needs more time to grow up.  But befriend Tadd and he'll die for you.  That's who he is.  Neither of my children are super-smart, but they both are super-great people.  And they both had a hard time this Christmas, too.     So, thank you for including us in your holiday weekend.  I know it's not easy for you and I do appreciate your efforts to make me and my kids feel welcome.  And don't ever worry about spilling your guts to me.  I have to you.  I'll be honest with you about anything because I don't believe in dishonesty.  Just stop shocking me while we're playing ping pong, okay!  I was missing balls right and left with some stuff you were saying and I have a reputation of being great at ping pong that I have to keep for your father's sake!  Have a good night...gail   So, there's my "record-keeping", if you will, for the day. After the events of the evening, I'm whooped. Time to watch part of the movie & head off to bed. G'night and sweet dreams to all.   Love always,
Vickey