Ordering pizza in 2008

ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008

       [This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008
      that we're not sure how funny this really is..]

       Operator:  Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.  May I have your
      national ID number?

       Customer:  Hi, I'd like to place an order.

       Operator:  I must have your NIDN first, sir

       Customer:  My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
      6102049998-45-54610.

       Operator:  Thank you Mr. Sheehan  I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
      Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
      Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566.  E-mail  address is Seehan@home.net. I see you're calling me from home.

       Customer:  Huh? Where'd you get all this information?

       Operator:  We're wired into the HSS, sir.

       Customer:  The HSS, what is that?

      Operator:  We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This
      will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

       Customer:  (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your
      All-Meat Special pizzas.

       Operator:  I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

       Customer:  Whaddya mean?

       Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate
      that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high
      cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an
      unhealthy choice.

       Customer:  What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

       Operator:  You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.  I'm sure you'll
      like it.

       Customer:  What makes you think I'd like something like that?

       Operator:  Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your  local library last week, sir.  That's why I made the suggestion.

       Customer:  All right, all right.  Give me two family-sized ones, then.

       Operator:  That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
      kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

       Customer:  Lemme give you my credit card number.

       Operator:  I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
       Your credit card balance is over its limit.

       Customer:  I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash beforeyour
      driver gets here.

       Operator:  That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
      overdrawn also.

      Customer:  Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
      How long will it take?

       Operator:  We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
      minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up
      while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can  be a little awkward.

       Customer:  Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?

       Operator:  It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so
      your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled
      the tank yesterday.

       Customer:  Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

       Operator:  I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already
      got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one
      I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a
      judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State  Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to  society?

       Customer:  (speechless)

      Operator:  Will there be anything else, sir?

       Customer:  Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

       Operator:  I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents
      us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution
      prohibits this... Thank you for calling Pizza Hut! 

I got this from Remember when and thought it was too funny to not pass on. But it's pretty scary at the same time. If Bush tries to make anything that can make ordering a pizza (or anything else for that freakin matter) that much of a pain in the @$$, I swear I will move to !%&*#^ Canada. Enough anti-Bush for the night. Hope your Boxing Day was a great one.

Love always,
Vickey