I just walked down the hall into German. I walked behind a couple holding hands. I didn't know them and probably never will. But I envy them. I envy them because they have each other, because they seem happy. Now I'm sure they're one of the couples I pass necking in the halls and that I don't envy them for. I'm sure it's fun and all but I'd rather have romance than that. I envied their comfort with each other, their ease. I want to be some guy's "girl" as in "my girl". I want romantic poems and love letters and to be held when I'm crying to just to be reassured that I am pretty and funny and a good person. I know I am but it's nice to be reassured of it by someone who is there in my life. If that makes any sense. I think I'm too much of a romantic sometimes. I want the fairy tale. The prince, the happily ever after, the white picket fence, the kids, the career. I want it all. I'm just like that. I'm still obsessed with the whole idea of "Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived..." and "happily ever after". My parents didn't have their happily ever after together which lost a bit of my happily ever after. I want my kids to have it. It being a happy family and all that goes with. I know plenty of children come from divorced families and are quite happy but I know how it feels to go to bed with fighting still ringing in your ears. I know what its like to cry yourself to sleep because Mommy and Daddy couldn't stand each other for the five minutes it takes to tuck you in so they did it one at a time and though its the same thing, its not really. I don't want that for my babies. I want to do all I can to insure their happiness. Not surface happiness because that is fleeting. I don't want the happiness that depends on their circumstances for them. I want that deep down happiness that things can be awful but part of them is still happy, with who they and all. Which is also what I want for myself.
Class is over. Time to go. These are the thoughts that seeing one couple can invoke. Now you know why my glass house is demolished. I throw stones. lol
Love always,
Vickey
1 comment:
I was the same way in high school. I was a hopeless romantic just waiting for my prince to swoop me away on his white horse. My mother was not a good example on how to maintain a marriage so I longed for a perfect guy to come and take me away. I have now met my match and we have our own family it's not totally perfect but it works for me he's my soulmate and we love each other. A big thank you for visiting my journal I have bookmarked yours. It's cute and so are you tootles!!!!! ~*Tara*~
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