Backslide.... :(

Six and one half weeks. I went six and a half weeks without being tempted. It came back, different than before. Still wanted to hurt myself but it was more of a physical need than a mental one. Which is harder to deal with in some ways. Even as I sit here writing this, I want to take my nails and scratch my wrist or leg. And it has more to do with wanting to feel pain than getting out these emotions. Yet it would force me to think about something other than the shitty day I had and how hard it is to decide. But I'm still just over two monthes free from self-injury. New experiment. Since it's a physical thing, a feeling of vulnerability on my wrists and ankles, I'm applying pressure to them. Wristband on one arm, bandana tied to the other. Soccer socks folded down to cover my feet and ankles. Guess I'm asleepin' like this. lol Well it's helping so don't knock it. Except the bandana is too loose compared to the wristband. Am trying to borrow one from Lindz for tomorrow. Must get another, if only for these moments since I don't wear wristbands. Seriously considering wearing this get up (including the PJ's) to school. lol Will do it, too. Should be in bed but am not tired. Guess I'll go dream of the one I'm meant to be with for now. Don't worry, I'll be fine. If you're reading this, I'm still alive. Check the PS for a quickie update on whether or not I turned into a bloody mess. Most likely not. G'night. Tomorrow is the last day of my first semeste5r of high school. My first midterm is 33 hours, exactly, from now. Yippee! ::sarcasm::

Love always,
Vickey

P.S. I never did hurt myself. I'm still SI free.