Old entries....

Major breakthrough. I ate peanut butter. Of my own free will. I have professed my hatred of it for years and I now eat it. And like it. *gasp*
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From Monday morning...........

Tempted again.

Dealing with the problems of teenage life
Dealing with the troubles of a difficult life
Not only do I go muh midterms this week
But I got a billion things on my mind
I got cutting, anorexia, and relationships
I got all my life to live still
I don't need your shit too.

Scratch that. It's releasing as much isht as watching that Beatles video (something about 64) did. So my day sucks and it's only just past 7:30. I woke up late so I didn't give Lindz her wake-up call. I missed the bus and Dad said, excuse me, yelled that it was because I'd been screwing around. I was up until 11:30 and then woke up at 2. Couldn't fall back asleep until 2:30. Excuse me for not jumping out of bed promptly at 6am. I got up at half past. Got ready at pretty normal pace and when I realized the time, forgoed the make-up. If I was screwing around and trying to miss the bus (I was only about 2 minutes late), I'd have put make-up on. He's tearing into me so I walked outside. I didn't need a repeat of last night (which may or may not get blogged). I go climb in the car and try not to freeze my extremities off. He gets in and keeps tearing into me. Apparently, I'm slefish and inconsiderate and I go out of my way to disrupt other people's lives. So he keeps tearing into me and now I'm in tears. So I turn my head away. After my horoscope, I turn it to the mix, then the light. Dad turns it off and I turn it back on.

Damn my heart. If not for my friends and my foolish goddamned heart, I'd move in an instant. BUt I have a foolish heart that wants to stay for what might be. I'm not staying for a guy I'm dating, I'm thinking about staying for a guy I want to date. But can I deal with all the drama with Dad, all the crap here, for him? I'm calling him after school. Just to talk, no excuse. [Never did call.] If he asks why I'm calling I'll say I need to talk to someone and why not him? It's true. What I'll talk to him about I have no idea. I don't even know if I'll be able to talk. Physically, I mean. My throat doesn't want me to which is why I'm sitting here writing rather than participating in voice. Oh well. Only today left. Midterms start tomorrow at 8am. I'm not studying. If I flunk, I flunk. I can still manage a B-.

 

That's all I have time for today. I'll TRY to update later, after church, but I have homework. Shhhh! Have a great Sunday night.

Love always,
Vickey