I can't deal with this anymore. My mind is made up. I'm moving. I was not tempted to hurt myself contrary to what some believe (more on that later). I have never before been afraid that my father would hit me. Tonight I was. I seriously believed he would hit me. I tense up everytime I hear or see or sense him. How can I live in a house where half the time I'm tense (like now...)? I'd rather not record the details but he would not allow me to go to my room, he physically restrained me, refused to leave me alone, yelled, and now I lack any voice. He got in my face, yelling and pitching a fit. So I screamed. At the top of my lungs. Several times. I'm sitting here at 10:15pm with tearstains on my face and a cup of chamomile tea. I texted Mom and told her I want to move. Cried for about an hour. Can't write anymore. Physically,emotionally, and mentally drained.
Love always,
Vickey
6 comments:
Vickey, my heart hurts for you honey, really it does.
Huge great fat (((((hugs)))))
Am thinking about you, hoping that you're OK.
Sara x
Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I worry about you so much Please keep us updated and let us know you're okay.
Prayers & Luv,
Promise
I'm a silent reader with no journal of my own, yet, so I apologize for stepping forward as though I belong. I've read your journals, Victoria, seen the pictures and am trying hard to piece the puzzle of your life together to get a good idea of who you are and how I could help you. Here are my thoughts thus far. You are a very intelligent, beautiful and sensitive young woman. You have an insight, vocabulary and romantic heart far beyond your years. Even more, you're poetic, musical, compassionate, very moral and ethical. With all that, I see a fabulous future for you, my dear, in life, love and your career.
But I am terribly bothered by things that contradict your personality. I don't understand your temptation of cutting. Every teenager on earth experiences frustration, confusion, anger, resentment and disillusionment...in school, with friends, with our parents, with ourselves. That's all part of growing up. Growing up means becoming a caring, loving and responsible adults. It means learning to tolerate all kinds of people and learning to cope with life's disappointments, of which there will be many for all of us. It's learning to deal with heartache, death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, loss of a friend, and the lies we're told. It means giving everyone a chance to love you...and loving those who do while accepting those who don't and knowing the difference between them. Growing up means getting hurt over and over and over again, yet as you do, you grow stronger, learn fantasitc lessons and continue to strive for the perfect love, the perfect job, the perfect life. It's the road you take, not the destination, that gives us happiness. And happiness is not appreciated without the hardships.
I wrote too much. Please read 2nd comment 1st...they're in the wrong order, sorry
Growing up doesn't happen overnight. It takes years, even longer for some, and it's hard...very, very hard, so doing it well takes a lot of guts and strength and confidence. Qualities I see in you, I think. Giving up. Making choices that will forever ruin your chances of becoming the best adult you possibly can is a major mistake, one that you will always regret.
I guess I wonder, and I wish you would too, why you're with your father, not your mother. I'm a mother and not for anything in this world, not even my life, would I give up my children. I wonder, because you seem like beneath your words you really are a very warm, wonderful and stable woman, if it's because of where you are now and I wonder if moving would be so detrimental to you and change the kind of person you are right now. I wonder if moving would make you happier or just give you the freedoms you want, which could, in turn, void all the morals and values that are so apparent in you now. I also wonder if your father's frustration last night and recent times you've mentioned, stems from your indesicion to move to your mother's. Parents get scared, too, when they cannot stop their children from making a mistake.
If you've weighed all the options fairly and you know for a fact that moving is in your best interest and would make you happier than you are now, then go. If you have even an inkling of a doubt...there's plenty of time to decide when you're sure. Don't do it just to hurt or out of anger. Do it for you....love, Callie
oh my doll, I hope you're all right. Maybe dad's afraid of losing control and doesn't know how to tell you that. It really sounds to me like he's scared of something and he's trying...albeit the wrong way...to figure out what's going on. I'm worried about you doll, take care of yourself!
xoxo~Bernadette
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